When the Credits Roll: What Rom-Coms Don't Tell You About Real Love

I have a confession: I absolutely love romantic comedies. Give me a rainy Sunday afternoon, a cozy blanket, and You've Got Mail or When Harry Met Sally, and I'm in heaven. There's something so delicious about watching two gorgeous people overcome misunderstandings, share witty banter, and finally kiss in the rain while a perfect song plays in the background.

But here's the thing I've learned after years of dating, building relationships, and having real conversations with real people about love: romantic comedies are doing us dirty.

The Fantasy We're Sold

In rom-coms, the leading man is typically available, emotionally intelligent, successful, gorgeous, and has just enough endearing quirks to make him interesting without being actually complicated. He's waiting for the right woman to see him for who he really is. He makes grand gestures. He runs through airports. He shows up in the rain with a boom box (okay, that's more '80s, but you get the idea).

And here's what no one really talks about: men like that? In real life? They're incredibly rare. And when they do exist, they're almost always already in relationships. Because of course they are.

I'm not saying this to be cynical or pessimistic. I'm saying it because I think we deserve to know the truth. We deserve to release ourselves from the expectation that love should look like a movie.

The Part They Don't Show

Rom-coms almost always end with the kiss, the declaration, the moment when he finally realizes she's the one. The music swells, the camera pans out, and we see them in their perfect embrace. Roll credits.

But what about the next morning? What about the first time they have a real disagreement about something important? What about when one person is stressed about work and not in the mood to be playful? What about navigating different communication styles, or figuring out whose family to spend the holidays with, or dealing with the reality that someone who seemed perfect turns out to have habits that drive you a little bit crazy?

Real relationships begin where rom-coms end. The declaration and the kiss aren't the finish line—they're the starting line.

The Beautiful, Messy Reality

Real love is so much more textured than what we see on screen. It's less about grand gestures and more about small, consistent choices. It's about someone who remembers how you take your coffee. It's about having hard conversations and choosing to stay and work through them. It's about seeing someone on their worst day and still choosing them.

Real dating is awkward first messages and mediocre first dates. It's wondering if you should text back right away or wait. It's trying to figure out if someone is actually interested or just being polite. It's getting your hopes up and sometimes being disappointed. It's learning about yourself through each experience, even the ones that don't work out.

And you know what? There's something incredibly beautiful about that. Because when you do find something real—even if it's imperfect, even if that person isn't a movie star, even if the story of how you met isn't particularly magical—it's yours. It's real. And real, I've learned, is so much better than perfect.

## Rewriting Our Expectations

I'm not suggesting we stop watching rom-coms. They're fun, they're escapism, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying them. But I do think we need to watch them with a little more awareness. We need to remind ourselves that they're fantasy, not blueprints.

Because here's what I really believe: when we let go of the rom-com script, we actually open ourselves up to something better. We start to see the real people in front of us instead of comparing them to fictional characters. We start to appreciate the small moments instead of waiting for grand gestures. We start to build real intimacy instead of performing a role we think we're supposed to play.

The person who shows up consistently, who communicates openly, who chooses you on the ordinary days—that person might not look like a rom-com hero. But they might be exactly what real, lasting love actually looks like.

And honestly? That's the kind of love story I want to be in. Not one that ends with a kiss and a fade to black, but one that continues, deepens, and grows through all the beautiful, messy, ordinary moments that come after.

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What rom-com expectations have you had to unlearn? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.