Tips for attending a singles mixer

Original question:

I'm attending a singles mixer next week and wondering if you have any tips for how to meet a lot of people in a room of 200+ strangers. I connect really well with people one-on-one, and I often find myself talking to only one person the entire evening. Ideally, I'd like to talk for 10-15 minutes with several men during the 2 hour event. Other than excusing myself to the restroom or getting a drink at the bar, I don't know how to end a conversation and enter a new conversation with someone else. This same problem happens to me whenever I'm in a large room full of people that I don't know like at networking events or conferences for work. Thanks in advance for your tips and guidance. I really appreciate it.

Advice from a Man (copied from an anonymous post on Reddit):

Man here. I'm in NYC. I went to a singles mixer back in February 2024. It was advertised as 100+ people. It ran from 6:30 pm to 10 pm. Most people came and went, spent 15-30 minutes and left. So not all 100 people were present throughout the event.

I spent close to 3 hours there chatting with about 15 women. Sometimes talking to 2-3 women at a time. I approached a lot more of course. Some of the women were rude from the first moment of approach. They had this scowl on their face. I immediately turned away and walked to another woman to chat with. Some of the women were already drunk by 30 minutes into the event, and I didn't approach them. It was entertaining watching their drunken teetering walk though.

Since you are a woman, I recommend you make yourself approachable if you feel anxious about approaching others. This means don't look at your phone. Keep alcohol consumption to a minimum so not to impair your focus and conversation ability. Don't have a closed body language. This means if you are talking with other people, maybe other women, don't turn your back to the crowd. Make sure your back is to a wall and there is space for someone to approach you and have a conversation. If you are going to sit, apply the same rule. Don't sit where there is no space for someone else to approach you and not be able to sit down. I know this sounds cliché, but make eye contact, smile a little, and say hello if someone walks by while looking at you.

If you want to approach someone, walk up to them, smile, say hello, and ask something to get the conversation going. The easiest one to ask is "What brings you to the mixer?" It's an open-ended question and low pressure conversation starter. When chatting, don't give succinct answers. Share a little story about something. Especially if someone asks a question. For example, if someone were to ask you "What brings you to the mixer?" Don't just answer "To socialize" and end the sentence. Expand on your answers to give the other person an idea of who you are.

As to how to end conversations so you can chat with others, you can use the excuse of going to the restroom, or that you are getting another drink, or simply thanking them for the chat and walking away to another person. It's really that simple. If you do it often, you'll get comfortable doing it.

Finally, don't go there with the mindset that you need to meet someone. Go with the mindset that you are challenging yourself to socialize and get out of your comfort level. Also, know that once the event ends, most likely you may never see the people again, so enjoy yourself and the experience.

Some more good advice from another redditor:

It's a single's mixer. You don't even need to make the "friends" excuse, everyone is there for the same reason.

There are two ways you can go with the exit strategy. Start with "I really enjoyed talking with you," then

1. "but I don't want to monopolize your evening," OR

2. "and now I think it's time to circulate a bit," or if you want something more fun/flirty you could say, "time to do some more mixing," or whatever the theme of the party is.

And as the other poster said, if you want their number, just ask. EVERYONE IS THERE FOR THE SAME REASON, there is no reason for you to be self-conscious about that. 😁

One more tip to help with the "mixing," when you start your evening, mentally divide the room into quarters. When you leave someone in one quarter, move on to the next one each time. That will minimize any awkwardness around bumping into the same person you just left. Most people will stay in roughly the same area for most of the evening, so you'll be ahead of the game if you force yourself to move around. Good luck!

And here's another good suggestion:

OH and don't forget that non verbal communication counts here. Even when you're not engaged in a specific conversation, like when you're on your way to the bathroom or the bar, look around and make eye contact and smile with people, or visually search out people from your first round and give them a little booster shot. And don't forget that you can talk to multiple people at once; seeing how dudes talk to each other is also a great way to learn something about them.

Another way, albeit a bit of a sneaky one, to get out of a conversation, especially if the guy isn't floating your boat, is "oh, that's fascinating; have you met Marla? Marla ALSO makes miniature shaker furniture out of toothpicks! (or whatever)" And then point "Marla" out vaguely and promise to send her his way, then off you go. This can be used as a sneaky exit OR a legit way to pass someone on to someone who might appreciate him more than you do.

Channel your inner extrovert. Have fun and good luck!