You met someone new, the conversation didn’t feel forced, and you actually laughed until your stomach hurt — great start. But if you want to move past friendly vibes into real, staying-in-your-life friendship, my go-to move is simple (and underrated): the long hangout. It’s an unhurried, open-ended stretch of time together that lets surface chat slip into the good stuff. Here’s why it works, what the research says, and how to make it happen without overthinking it.

What I mean by a “long hangout”

A long hangout is exactly what it sounds like: giving someone a big chunk of time. No rigid schedule, no rush to leave after 45 minutes, and lots of unscripted moments. Think: a four-hour couch session with snacks and deep stories, a backyard BBQ that stretches into the night, or a weekend trip with no strict itinerary. It’s not about being dramatic — it’s about creating space for connection.

This past weekend was textbook long-hangout energy. On Friday night, Lisa came over and we talked for more than four hours — snacks, confession, cheering each other on about small goals. On Saturday, Danielle hosted a cozy BBQ that started at 4:30pm and didn’t quiet down until around 10pm. Between the slow food, the sunset, and the even slower conversation, we ended up sharing memories and tiny details I wouldn’t have heard in a coffee date. Those hours did something: they deepened trust and turned “nice to meet you” into “I want to keep hanging out.”

The science behind it (short & usable)

If you like evidence with your stories, here are the research highlights that back up long hangouts:

• Time predicts closeness. Communication researcher Jeffrey A. Hall analyzed how long it takes to move through friendship stages and found that the amount of time together is strongly associated with friendship closeness — roughly 50 hours to become casual friends, 90 hours to be friends, and 200+ hours to become close friends. The type of time matters too: leisure and personal talk accelerate closeness more than purely work interactions. SAGE JournalsKU News

• Focused self-disclosure speeds intimacy. Laboratory work (the “fast friends” procedure by Arthur Aron and colleagues) shows that structured self-disclosure over just 45 minutes can significantly increase feelings of closeness between strangers. The takeaway: time that invites vulnerability and personal stories is especially potent. SAGE JournalsStafforini

• Shared leisure builds stronger ties. Studies on shared extracurricular and leisure activities show that doing things together — whether art projects, sports, or slow dinners — predicts stronger friendship formation and greater relationship satisfaction. Long hangouts usually pack in shared leisure, which explains part of their magic. PMCResearchGate

Why long hangouts actually work — in everyday words

1. They let the conversation breathe. Short meetups trap you in small talk. Long hangouts give time for laughter, silence, and the deeper topics that create trust.

2. You see how someone is over time. Small behaviors — how someone handles a pause, how generous they are with storytelling, whether they follow through — reveal themselves only with hours together.

3. You co-author memories. The slow BBQ, the late-night kitchen chat, the shared playlist — those things become inside jokes and reference points that tether people to each other.

4. They lower performance pressure. There’s less pressure to be “on.” People relax, and authenticity shows up.

5. It’s not just time — it’s the right time. Unhurried leisure and vulnerability amplify the effect of hours spent together.

Practical ways to make long hangouts happen (without being awkward)

• Invite for an open-ended evening. “Want to come over Saturday? I’m making dinner and I don’t have plans after — swing by whenever.” Clear, low-pressure, and signals you’re open to a long hangout.

• Host a casual, slow food night. Potlucks, low-key BBQs, or taco nights naturally stretch hours and slow conversation is built into the evening. (Shoutout to Danielle — BBQs are friendship accelerators.)

• Stack activities. Coffee → thrift store → long walk → dinner gives natural transitions so time can expand without anyone feeling trapped.

• Use weekend trips intentionally. Even a one-night escape or a day trip creates repeated shared moments — breakfasts, drives, late-night chats — all prime long-hangout material.

• Ask for company with authenticity. “I really enjoyed our chat. Want to hang longer this weekend?” Vulnerability invites vulnerability.

• Keep phones out of the center. Presence matters. Put a charger in another room or agree on phone-free chunks.

• Offer low-stakes plans for introverts. Shared tasks (cooking, a thrift run) let people be together without forced chitchat.

Dos and don’ts (so the vibe doesn’t collapse)

• DO prioritize presence — small windows of uninterrupted time are gold.

• DO bring snacks or a small activity (board game, playlist) to help shifts in energy.

• DON’T force deep conversation — let it come. A lot of bonding happens in quiet, ordinary moments.

• DON’T make long hangouts transactional — only show up for them when you want something. Reciprocity matters.

A tiny experiment to try

For the next four weeks, invite one person you’d like to get closer to for a 3–5 hour hangout. Make it open-ended, with at least one shared activity (cook, walk, thrift, play music). Afterward, jot down one or two things that changed — was the next conversation easier? Did you hear something surprising? Did you feel more comfortable asking for something small? This simple test helps you see the payoff.

How long hangouts serve your life (bigger picture)

Investing time in friendships isn’t just “nice.” Research links stronger social ties to emotional wellbeing and longer-term health benefits. Friendships are not a luxury — they’re part of what makes life richer and more resilient. Long hangouts are one of the simplest, most enjoyable tools for growing those ties.

Closing, personal note

If you’re nervous about asking someone to hang for hours: I get it. So do a practice round with someone who already feels easy. Keep it low-pressure. For me, Lisa’s four-hour visit was the kind that left me lighter and more seen. The slow BBQ with Danielle turned casual acquaintances into stories we’ll tell again. Little by little, over shared time, friendships anchor.

What about you? do you have any good stories about times you had long hangouts with friends? please share in the comments! :)

1. Hall, J. A. (2019). How many hours does it take to make a friend? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. (Summary & findings). SAGE JournalsKU News

2. Aron, A., Melinat, E., Aron, E. N., Vallone, R. D., & Bator, R. J. (1997). The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. (Fast-friends / 45-minute self-disclosure procedure). SAGE JournalsStafforini

3. Barber, B. L., Eccles, J. S., & Stone, M. R. (2001). The Contribution of Extracurricular Activities to Adolescent Friendships. (Shared leisure activities predict stronger friendships). PMC

4. (Optional) KU news release summarizing Hall’s study. KU News