The Mindset That Will Help You Connect at Any Mingling Event

I'll be honest with you: I used to walk into social events with my guard up. I'd scan the room, notice who was dressed better than me, who looked more confident, who seemed to already know everyone. I'd stand there feeling like I didn't quite belong, waiting for someone to notice me instead of putting myself out there. And guess what? Those events were exhausting and rarely led to meaningful connections.

Then I realized something that completely changed how I showed up to every mingling event, whether I was looking for new friends or hoping to meet someone I might date: the mindset I brought with me mattered so much more than what I wore, how witty I was, or how many people I already knew.

Here's what I've learned, both from my own experiences and from fascinating research about human connection: your beliefs and attitudes about other people have a huge impact on your ability to relate and connect with them. It's not just feel-good advice—it's backed by science. So let's talk about the mindsets that can transform your experience at any social gathering.

The Power of a Growth Mindset in Social Situations

You've probably heard about having a "growth mindset" when it comes to learning or career development, but did you know it applies to friendships and dating too?

Research shows that people with a growth mindset—those who believe relationships and social skills can improve with practice—tend to have better success making friends and forming connections. A study on social interactions found that when people approached networking with a learning mindset rather than a performance mindset, their stress reduced significantly and they were more effective in their outreach.

What does this look like in real life? Instead of walking into an event thinking "I'm not good at small talk" or "I'm terrible at making friends," try thinking "I'm here to practice connecting with people" or "Every conversation is a chance to learn something new about someone."

When you adopt this mindset, awkward moments become less scary. That conversation that fizzles out? It's not a failure—it's just practice. The person who doesn't seem interested in talking? That's okay, you'll try connecting with someone else. You're not being judged on your performance; you're simply exploring and learning.

Recent research has found that people with a growth mindset are better equipped to handle the challenges that come up in social interactions, which leads to less loneliness and better overall well-being. They don't give up after one uncomfortable conversation. They keep showing up, keep trying, and eventually, they connect.

Curiosity Over Judgment: The Secret Ingredient

Here's something that completely shifted my approach to meeting new people: I stopped judging and started getting curious.

We form impressions about others within seconds of meeting them, and those snap judgments can be really hard to change. But what if instead of immediately deciding "this person seems boring" or "we have nothing in common," you approached every interaction with genuine curiosity?

Psychological research shows that approaching conversations with a desire to learn from others takes the pressure off and allows for more natural interactions. When you shift your focus from "Will they like me?" to "What can I learn from this person?" or "What's their story?" everything changes.

I remember going to that French conversation group back in 2010. I wasn't particularly interested in speaking French again at the time, but I was curious about the people who'd be there. That curiosity led me to one of the most meaningful friendships of my life and to an entire community that became my chosen family. If I'd judged the group as "not for me" or decided in advance that I wouldn't connect with anyone there, I would have missed out on so much joy.

Try this at your next event: instead of mentally cataloging what you think about someone, ask yourself "What's interesting about this person?" or "What brought them here tonight?" Let your curiosity guide the conversation.

The Magic of Openness

One of the Big Five personality traits psychologists study is called "Openness to Experience." It describes someone's curiosity about new things, willingness to try new experiences, and desire for diversity in life. And here's the really cool part: research shows that openness is linked to better social connections and less social anxiety.

People who score high in openness tend to be more interested in engaging with diverse groups of people. They're the ones who will chat with the person who seems totally different from them, who will try the new activity, who will say yes to an invitation even when it's outside their comfort zone.

But here's what I want you to know: even if you don't naturally consider yourself an "open" person, you can cultivate more openness in specific moments. Studies have shown that when people reflected on positive novel experiences from their past before a social interaction, they felt more open and showed greater interest in connecting with diverse groups.

So before you head to that event, take a moment. Think about a time you tried something new and it turned out great. Remember how it felt to step outside your comfort zone. That little mental shift can help you show up with more openness and willingness to connect.

Seeing People as Potential, Not Fixed

One of the things that holds us back from making genuine connections is unconsciously putting people in boxes. We see someone and immediately think: "Not my type," "Too different from me," "Wouldn't understand my life," or "Probably already has enough friends."

But research on friendships shows that people are so much more complex than we give them credit for. Studies have found that having friends and high-quality friendships actually helps people develop better social skills over time. Friendships provide a context for growth. That person you meet tonight? They're not a finished product. Neither are you. You're both works in progress, and the connection you form might help both of you grow in unexpected ways.

I think about the diverse group of people I met through that French conversation group—people from Poland, Morocco, Nigeria, Kenya, India, Laos. On paper, we were so different. Different backgrounds, different ages, different life experiences. But we shared a love for language and a willingness to show up and be part of a community. Those differences enriched our friendships rather than preventing them.

When you see people as full of potential and possibility rather than as fixed categories, you open yourself up to so many more connections.

The Energy You Bring Matters

Here's something I want you to really take to heart: people can feel your energy. If you walk into a room broadcasting "I don't want to be here" or "No one's going to want to talk to me," that affects how others respond to you.

But when you show up with positive energy—with genuine interest in others, with openness to possibility, with kindness toward yourself and others—people respond differently. Research on first impressions shows that confident body language, authentic engagement, and genuine conversation matter so much more than rehearsed lines or trying to be impressive.

This doesn't mean you have to be bubbly or extroverted. It just means showing up as your authentic self with a warm, open heart. It means being present in conversations rather than scanning the room for someone "better" to talk to. It means really listening when someone shares something with you.

Practical Ways to Shift Your Mindset

Okay, so how do you actually put all of this into practice? Here are some things that have helped me:

Before the event:

• Remind yourself that you're here to learn and connect, not to perform

• Reflect on a time when you tried something new and it went well

• Set an intention to be curious about at least three people you meet

• Release the pressure to make a "best friend" or meet "the one"—just aim for genuine conversations

During the event:

• Focus on one person at a time rather than worrying about working the whole room

• Ask open-ended questions and really listen to the answers

• Notice when you're judging someone and gently redirect to curiosity

• Remember that awkward moments are normal and don't mean you're failing

After the event:

• Celebrate the fact that you showed up, even if not every conversation was amazing

• Follow up with people you connected with

• Reflect on what you learned rather than what went wrong

• Be proud of yourself for practicing and growing

The Truth About Connection

Here's what I've learned over years of putting myself out there: connection isn't about being perfect, witty, or having it all together. It's about being open, curious, and genuinely interested in other people. It's about believing that both you and the people you meet have the capacity to grow, change, and surprise each other.

Whether you're looking for friendship or romance, the same principles apply. Show up with an open heart and mind. Approach people with curiosity rather than judgment. Believe in the possibility of connection rather than focusing on all the ways it might not work out.

That New Year's Eve I spent alone watching Avatar? It was uncomfortable and lonely. But it led me to make a resolution that changed my life. I decided to put myself out there, to show up with openness even when it was scary, to keep trying even when it felt awkward. And that mindset—that willingness to be vulnerable, curious, and open—brought me friendships, community, and eventually, it set me on a path to thriving instead of just surviving.

Your mindset matters. Your beliefs about people matter. Your willingness to stay open even when it's uncomfortable matters. And I promise you, when you shift your internal energy from judgment and fear to curiosity and openness, the whole experience of mingling changes.

So next time you're heading to an event, take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you're there to connect, not to perform. Get curious about the people you'll meet. Stay open to possibility. And trust that when you show up with that energy, meaningful connections become so much more possible.

You've got this. And I can't wait to hear about the amazing people you meet when you bring your whole, open, curious heart to the next event.

Want to practice these mindsets in a welcoming environment? Check out our upcoming events where connection and authenticity are always the priority. Because everyone deserves to feel like they belong.