How to make and nurture friendships as an adult

Let's talk about something we all struggle with but rarely discuss: adult friendships. Why is it so hard to make and maintain friendships as we get older? I recently listened to a fantastic podcast by Mel Robbins that dives deep into this topic, and I want to share some eye-opening insights with you.

The lies we tell ourselves about friendship

One of the biggest takeaways from the podcast is that we often sabotage our own friendships without even realizing it. We tell ourselves lies that keep us from having the best relationships of our lives. For example, how many times have you scrolled through social media, seen your friends having fun without you, and felt like you were being excluded? But that might not be the reality of what's happening. Maybe they didn't invite you because you haven't been in touch recently and you're not top of mind. Nothing personal.

The truth about friendship

Here's something that really stuck with me: you don't need a ton of friends. You just need a few good ones. When it comes to friendships, quality is definitely better than quantity. Studies show that it takes about 50 hours to make a casual friend, 90 hours to make a real friend, and 200 hours to make a close friend. So if you're feeling like you don't have enough friends, remember that building meaningful friendships takes time and repeated exposure.

I personally find that I get deeper with my friends if I set one-on-one coffee dates with them, and we open up about our life challenges and relationships. That's how you build trust and a loving bond with a friend: A bit of fun mixed in with some soul-sharing.

Practical tips for building stronger friendships

1. Reach out more often: There's this fascinating research that shows we actually underestimate how much people appreciate us reaching out. So send that text, make that call!

2. Be flexible: Use the "yes, and" tool from improv comedy in your friendships. It helps you be more open and adaptable in your relationships.

3. Do one thing every day: Make a conscious effort to do one small thing each day to strengthen your friendships. It could be as simple as sending a funny meme or checking in with a quick "how are you?"

Understanding different types of friendships

As we navigate the world of adult friendships, it's important to recognize that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and that's okay. There's a saying that goes, "There are friends for a season, friends for a reason, and friends for a lifetime."

Friends for a season: These are the people who come into our lives for a specific period. Maybe you bonded with someone during a particular job or when your kids were in the same class. These friendships can be intense and meaningful, but they often naturally fade as circumstances change. Don't feel guilty about this - it's a normal part of life!

Friends for a reason: These friendships serve a particular purpose in our lives. It could be a workout buddy, a colleague you brainstorm with, or someone who shares a specific hobby. These relationships are valuable for what they bring to our lives, even if they don't encompass every aspect of it.

Friends for a lifetime: These are the rare gems - the friends who stick with you through thick and thin, across years and life changes. They're the ones you can go months without talking to, but pick up right where you left off. These friendships require nurturing, but they're also the most forgiving.

Understanding these different types of friendships can help us appreciate each relationship for what it is, without putting unrealistic expectations on every friend to be our everything. It's okay to have a mix of all these types of friends in your life!

Remember, developing strong friendships takes intentional effort to get together and meet many times over time. Don't get discouraged if it feels awkward at first. Keep at it, and you'll soon find yourself surrounded by the kind of meaningful relationships that fill your cup, make life richer and more rewarding.