Are Your Beliefs About Love Helping You—or Holding You Back?

Since starting Filled Cups, I’ve talked to a lot of singles. And I’ve heard a wide range of feedback, frustrations, and—if I’m being honest—self-defeat when it comes to dating and finding love.

I hear things like:

• “All the men in Charlotte are terrible.”

• “Women are just ruthless these days.”

• “Women are too picky.”

• “All the good men are taken.”

• “The men here are low quality.”

Yes, those statements are about the opposite gender—but they make me wonder:

What beliefs do you hold about yourself when it comes to love?

Do you believe you are truly worthy of a healthy, nurturing relationship?
Do you believe love is available to you—and that you have the capacity to give it in return?

How Past Experiences Shape Present Beliefs

How much of your current dating mindset has been shaped by past relationships?
When you think back, do you remember more of the negative moments than the positive ones?

And what about the relationships you saw growing up? Were your parents (or guardians) a model of what you believe a good relationship should be? Or did you witness more dysfunction, heartbreak, and hurt?

If it was the latter—how much does that still shape the way you approach dating now? Are you stepping into new connections already bracing for disappointment?

Scarcity vs. Abundance in Dating

Do you believe there aren’t “enough” good partners out there?
When you imagine your next relationship, do you see it as something different from your past—or as history inevitably repeating itself?

Do you hold an abundance mindset (believing there are many potential matches) or a scarcity mindset (believing there are only a few “good ones” and they’re already taken)?

The Paradox of Intentional Dating

Here’s something I’ve observed: sometimes the more intentionally someone goes out looking for a life partner, the harder it is for them to find one.

Why is that? I’m not sure. But I’ve seen that serendipity—meeting someone by coincidence, through shared activities, or just by being open-hearted in new social spaces—often works better than an endless rotation of intentional first dates.

Even my singles events (which I love hosting!) aren’t a magic bullet. It’s still a numbers game: the more people you meet—in any context—the better your odds of finding someone great. Sometimes a networking mixer, a community event, or even a friend’s birthday party gives you a better shot than serial swiping on an app.

Beliefs About “Your Type”

Do you have a fixed idea of who your partner “must” be?
Are you open to someone who doesn’t check every box?

We’ve all seen couples who don’t seem like an obvious match on paper but are deeply happy together. Sometimes love surprises us—when we let it.

So… are you living by your own dating expectations, or someone else’s?

Why Reflection Matters More Than Pre-Judgment

I’m not putting all these questions out there to criticize anyone’s approach to dating. I’m putting them here because self-reflection can be a powerful tool—if you do it with an open mind.

What if you journaled your answers to these questions? What if you approached dating with the same thoughtful preparation you might put into job hunting or making a big purchase?

Because here’s the truth: a lot of people spend more time researching the perfect laptop than they do examining what they actually want (and need) in a relationship.

And if you let pre-judgments and preconceived notions run the show, you might be unknowingly closing the door on the very connection you’re looking for.

Your turn: What’s really shaping your beliefs about love—and are those beliefs helping you, or quietly holding you back?