36 Questions to help you fall in love
Can a list of questions make us get closer to someone? There's only one way to find out!
FINDING LOVE
10/6/20242 min read
Have you ever felt like you're just scratching the surface when getting to know someone new? Maybe you've gone on a few dates, shared some laughs, but still feel like there's so much more to discover about each other. Well, what if I told you there's a set of questions designed specifically to foster intimacy and potentially lead to love?
Enter the 36 questions that lead to love. Developed by psychologist Arthur Aron in 1997, these questions aren't your typical "what's your favorite color" small talk. They're thoughtfully crafted to gradually increase self-disclosure and mutual vulnerability, creating a fast track to intimacy.
The concept gained widespread attention in 2015 when Mandy Len Catron wrote about her experience using these questions in her Modern Love essay for the New York Times. She ended up falling in love with her partner, and while that's not a guaranteed outcome, the questions certainly paved the way for a deep connection.
Here's why I find this concept so fascinating:
It's intentional: Instead of letting conversation meander aimlessly, these questions provide a structure for meaningful dialogue.
It builds trust: By sharing increasingly personal information, you're creating a safe space for vulnerability.
It's face-to-face: You get to feel the person's energy immediately. We can sense so much more when we're in the presence of another person!
The questions are divided into three sets, each becoming more personal than the last. Here are some examples:
Set I:
"Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?"
"Would you like to be famous? In what way?"
"Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?"
Set II:
"What is your most treasured memory?"
"If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?"
"What roles do love and affection play in your life?"
Set III:
"Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share...""
"If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know."
"Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it."
Now, I'm not saying these questions are a guaranteed path to true love. But they offer something that typical dating often lacks - the opportunity for real, meaningful connection. They allow you to sense that spark, that energy between two people that goes beyond surface-level attraction.
I remember when I first tried these questions with someone I was getting to know. It was a bit awkward at first - after all, we're not used to being so open right off the bat. But as we progressed through the questions, I felt a warmth growing between us. We were laughing, sharing stories, and really seeing each other in a way that might have taken months otherwise.
So the next time you're getting to know someone - whether it's a potential romantic partner or even just a new friend - why not give these questions a try? You might be surprised at the depth of connection you can create.
After all, isn't that what we're all looking for? Not just companionship, but a real, genuine connection with another human being. And who knows? You might just fall in love in the process.
Find all 36 questions here: http://36questionsinlove.com/
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