What My Closest Friendships Have Taught Me About Showing Up
Friendship isn't just for the good times.
FRIENDSHIPS
Fernanda
8/2/20262 min read
I used to think showing up for someone meant showing up for the good stuff. The engagement, the new job, the birthday brunch with the balloons. Those moments are easy to celebrate because celebrating is fun.
But somewhere along the way, my closest friendships taught me something different. The real test of a friendship isn't how it holds up when things are good. It's how it holds up when things fall apart.
A few years ago, my friend lost her dog. If you've never had a pet, this might sound small to you, but if you have, you know it's not small at all. That dog had been with her through breakups and job changes and every ordinary Tuesday in between. She was gutted. I didn't know exactly what to say, so instead of trying to find the perfect words, I booked us a mani pedi. We sat next to each other, hands soaking, and I just let her talk. Or not talk. Whatever she needed that hour. Sometimes showing up doesn't look like a big gesture. It looks like sitting beside someone while they feel what they need to feel.
Around that same time, another friend lost her father. I couldn't be there in person, so I put together a care package. Her favorite tea, a journal, and a few things that said, "I'm thinking of you even when I can't hold your hand through this." I remember worrying it wasn't enough. But she told me later that box arrived on one of the hardest days, and it made her feel less alone in it.
Here's what I've learned from moments like these. Friendship isn't just for the good times. It's for the surgery recovery when someone needs a ride home and a meal in the fridge. It's for the divorce, when the version of life someone thought they were living quietly falls apart and they need people who will stay close through the mess of rebuilding. It's for the losses that don't come with a casserole tradition attached, like a pet passing or a friendship ending or a dream not working out the way they hoped.
Showing up in the hard seasons doesn't require perfect words or grand plans. It just requires presence. A text that says I'm thinking of you today. An offer to sit with someone in their grief instead of trying to fix it. A care package that says I see you, even from far away.
The friendships I trust most in my life are the ones that have been through something with me. Not just the celebrations, but the 2am phone calls and the quiet car rides after hard news. Those are the friendships worth protecting and worth building more of.
So today, tag your best friend and tell them why they matter to you. And if you're realizing you don't have a person like that yet, or you're ready to build a few more of these kinds of friendships, come find your people at a Filled Cups event. That's exactly what this community is for.
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