Why High-Achieving Women Feel Unfulfilled (Even When Life Looks Perfect)

Fernanda: Hi friends, welcome back to connectedness. I'm Fernanda, your host and founder of Filled Cups. And this is the space where we explore what it means to grow, connect, to trust ourselves, and to show up authentically with each other. Today's conversation is one that I think many women, and honestly, so many people will resonate with. Have you ever looked around at a life you've worked incredibly hard to build and thought, "Why doesn't this feel the way I thought it would?"

Maybe from the outside, everything looks great. You're successful, responsible, dependable, and doing all the things that you're supposed to do, but underneath it all, something feels off. There's a quiet voice that's telling you that something needs to change, and you're not quite sure what that change is or how to trust yourself enough to make it. Our guest today is Elinor Miller, founder of Uncompromised, where she helps high achieving women navigate personal and professional crossroads with more clarity, confidence, and self-rust.

Through her work, she helps women stop second-guessing themselves, reconnect with who they are beneath all their responsibilities, and create lives that feel aligned with who they have become. What I love about Elinor's approach is that she challenges the idea that wanting more means you're ungrateful. Instead, she encourages women to recognize when they've outgrown a season of their life and to give themselves permission to move forward or move towards something that feels honest and authentic. In today's episode, we're talking about self-rust, identity, growth, relationships, and what it means to choose yourself without abandoning the people and values you care about. So, let's dive in, Elinor. Welcome to Connectedness.

Elinor: Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thanks for the introduction. That was beautifully done.

Fernanda: Thank you. I'm I'm really happy to have you here. I wanted to ask you to kind of introduce yourself to the audience. and feel free to share whatever you're comfortable with about your story. You've built everything. You've worked for and yet something is still missing. What What inspired that message and and why does it resonate so deeply with women?

Elinor: So, I'll tell my story and then I'll share how I believe it's relatable or what I've seen that made it very relatable. Um 2017 I was sitting in my office feeling like something was off with me. It was a gut feeling. It was a heavy feeling. I did not know what was going on. So I start thinking like what what's wrong with you? Kind of having a conversation between me and myself. You know those conversations.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Elinor: And judging me for like how what what do you want? At the time I mean I still am good marriage, three healthy kids, normal kids problems but for the most part really no reason to complain. I had a home, I had a job that I thought I love. I mean I love my job. I enjoyed it but it was comfortable and I I I couldn't point on what was going on with me. Eventually, at some point, after a few weeks of feeling that, maybe even a few months, when I noticed I I looked back and I'm like, it's been going on for a while that things are not feeling right, I picked up my phone and I searched for motivational music. I I said, "Let me let me listen to something that will motivate me." And a speech came up. And I don't know if you know him, but the speaker was Zig Ziggler. He's one of the OG motivational speaker.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Elinor: And he started the speech by saying asking the audience what are you aiming for in life. And then he said if you aim at nothing you will hit it every time. And for me that say was like someone punched me in the gut. I felt I'm like that's painful. This is what it is. I am existing. I there's no aim. There is nothing I'm excited for. There is nothing I'm building. There is nothing I'm creating. I'm just existing. And from that point, I started a deep search on like what is what does it mean to leave your life? What am I supposed to aim for? And that took me into the wildest and the most beautiful places of self-discovery.

Through that journey, I realized or I finally said out loud how I was not happy with my body. Things were never too bad for me. They were okay. They were bearable, which is a very dangerous place to be. If you have serious health issue, you have to take care of your health. But if you were just a 15, 20 pounds overweight, no big deal, right? It's not. Sometimes you can even look really nice in your outfit and it won't bother you. So, I was like in the in between place in so many areas of my life. My marriage was fine, but there were so many areas where I could be more sparse and it wasn't. It was just not bad. It was just okay.

So many of my relationships had no boundaries. I let people walk all over me not because they were bad. I still have the same friends, but I created situation when I put myself so low and and gave them all the space that I had no space for myself. And that shifted. I make so much more money, tenfold more than I made before because back then that's what I was willing to receive.

So that took me into an insane place of so many different changes through getting to know myself to understanding myself to forgiving myself for not knowing better and for the courage and the willingness to say I can have more and it's okay to have more and I want to be not just okay or not just not bad. I want to be like real happy and really excited and and and thrilled like enough is not enough and not in a way that I'm grateful. In my opinion, in my experience, the only way to get to that place is by being okay with what you have now. That's the foundation you have to create to go farther or more.

But that's kind of what sparked things and made me start is that realization that I'm not really happy. And I was willing for the first time in my adult life to say it out loud. I want more. And that's what I encourage everyone to say because regardless of where you are, whether I work with quite people who are considered very successful, but regardless of where you are, you were there as a launching pad to the next step. And if and if you don't see that then you feel limited. So my encouragement to everyone is look at where you are. Even if things are good they can be better. Not in a way that you're missing anything but in a way that there is so much more in you. If you got to this place you can go better. So I encourage people to explore that betterness and and go after it.

Fernanda: Okay. So, if I'm hearing you, it sounds like it's like you reached a moment of realizing that you wanted more and in your in your framework, you're encouraging women to don't squash that feeling like you explore that feeling. And it does it serve as like a springboard to goal setting or like how did it how did it turn out for you?

Elinor: So goal setting is a tool in my opinion in how we work in in my practice goal setting and goal achieving is a tool to develop the self. So all the whole thing is how do I keep evolving to the next version of myself and I don't like to use best version because there's no such thing in my eyes. It's who I am today and how can I be better and then how can I be better and in every element of life I like to look at we are we're everything you are your career you are your money you are your body you are your health you're relationship so we look at everything as a whole.

So when people ask me about what what do you help with I said you once you learn how to operate you then everything change so we choose different goals based on like as we use the goal as tool to study more about yourself. Right now in the program I'm launching and uncompromised the group pro project. This is exactly what we do. We choose everybody come with a goal they want something they've been procrastinating on or or toying with or going back and forward and we we we take that thing and we use it as a as a tool to understand like while you work on a goal where you're trying to achieve something.

I mean you know as you start a business, discover so many things about yourself. You discover things about your vision and how limited you are. You discover about your resistance and what excuses and stories your brain is telling you. You discover your perspective and how you view the world. You discover your self mastery and your ability to shift everything. So we have seven modules we go to to use your goal as a way to learn how to operate that self more. And the cool thing about it is once you learn how to do it once, you can repeat it in every stage of your life. So whether you're here or here, you can take it and go with it forward and and and that's pretty incredible.

Fernanda: That's amazing. So yeah, it just and it feels just listening to you. I can feel not only your energy and your enthusiasm for what you're doing, but also your encouragement for the ladies, the women that you work with or anyone who is listening here, right? I'm already inspired just listening to you right now.

Elinor: It is a true mission for me and I I used to hold myself back and not use words like journey or path or because it felt so chewed and overused but it really is feel like a mission and I feel like and from everything I'm learning I'm constantly learning because if you're teaching without learning you stay empty. So I'm constantly learning and that's one more thing I I teach and I encourage everyone is sometimes and it happened to me when I start getting into this world I wanted to learn learn learn but when you learn and you don't teach or you don't apply it's like eating and you don't digest so I had all the information.

So if anyone who is watching is in that stage of self-development is amazing let me read all the books but if you don't apply it if you don't hire someone or create the strategy or put yourself in a group. Whatever you choose to do, if you don't start applying it, yeah, you will feel like you're choking because there's only so much you consume without digestion. So for me, it's like, let me help you digest it. If you need consumption, let's do that. But most people, they have the information. I mean, just from being on social media, you can get so much. But let's put it into action. Let's watch you changing through that.

The, I mean, think about it. When we eat, then we digest. It changes our body. Our composition of our body change but what we put in. So once you start putting good stuff and keeping putting more good stuff if you don't digest it does nothing but worse. And then you feel really bad about yourself like I'm doing all this learning and nothing happened. Well apply it. Now you take the good stuff you learn to apply it. Now things start transforming and changing. And it's really cool to see and I really like every person I look at I'm like oh my you don't even know how amazing you are. you don't even know like let me whether it's me or someone else do the work to figure it out like there there's so much greatness in you and and and everybody's here for a reason and if you can just pay attention you will know your reason you already know it this is the thing you already know it just just pause to pay attention stop being so busy existing like I was up until 2017.

Fernanda: I love this so stop to pay attention eat and digest test or learn and digest what you've learned. So let's talk a little bit if you don't mind about self trust and identity. Like one of the things that you say that really stood out to me is that many women they're not lacking capability. They they simply have lost trust in their own voice. Why do you think so many women struggle to trust themselves?

Elinor: So this is the thing our human brain the way we were created is to survive and to survive our brain wants to remind us all the things that hurt us so we don't get hurt again right so what hurt us is our mistakes. Now if you look at your life if you're alive if you have food on your table if you have a roof above your head I promise you the list of successes you have are 100% more than the list of mistakes you made.

But instead of remembering those successes and one of the things I made my clients do and I encourage everyone to do is to write your success map. I call it map because I I go by chronological date and I write and I did this and I did this and I and I sign up for this course and I dare to do this and and at first it's really hard because we take it for granted. We don't consider it a success. But I I write it down and I make my client write it down and then in days where I feel down or in days where regret comes or in day when I feel incapable I go back and I read that.

And this is why I ask clients to write me testimonials not to put it out there because their testimonial helped me in moments when I'm like nothing matters my work is doesn't worth it because it happens to all of us even people have been doing work for years we're humans it comes it will attack you the question is how fast you respond to it and how long it lasts. If you know how to operate with it, it will not freeze you for too long. It will be it can be a brief second or it can hold you for months.

So that self trust is remember first of all my biggest thing my most my most valuable lesson for myself and my clients is to remember that you can judge the woman who didn't know better. Like that woman did not have that information. It's easy in hindsight to look back and say you should have done. But in that moment, that's all she knew. So you've got to give her grace and forgiveness. And the fact that you know better now, that's the celebration. That means you learned a lesson. How wonderful. That mean that that woman that learned a lesson will not repeat that lesson. Will not repeat that issue. So if you take that as a way to celebrate and know here is my proof that I'm doing better because once I know I made a mistake, I know not to make it.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Elinor: And and my one of my favorite thing is do Dr. Jord dispenser when he says at any given moment you have the opportunity to recreate your past or create your future. So if you think I made this mistake, I'm going to make it again. I mean think logically. If you made a mistake and you know it, there's less chance you'll make it again, right? So like re reminding ourselves that and also a big thing about self trust is the willingness to fail again. I'm willing to fail. I'm willing to do it as many time as I can and fail because the one time I succeed will be worth it and every fail will be another. And I know it sound chewed and it's no fun to fail, but once you release yourself from that obligation to succeed, it's so much better.

I've signed up to so many coaching programs and purchase courses and different methods with the willingness that I spend this money for nothing. It may I may get nothing for it, but I know that out of the five or 10 I sign up for, one of them will get me exactly what I need, and that will be worth it. I I remember um hearing a podcast and they talked about like Google and all the big companies how they spend millions if not billions of dollars on buying new startup companies knowing that 80% of them will do nothing but they buy it because the 20% they will they're going to compensate for all of that. So that's like what I adapted for myself. I'm willing to fail like so what um and that a work we need to do. But that self trust come from both component of forgiving yourself and remembering that if you have something to forgive then you learn the lesson that's the proof and second is willing to fail in the future that's the way that's the price to move forward so what

Fernanda: That's so inspirational and such a great way to think about it like if you're if you're having to uh forgive yourself that means you you took a risk and you're learning from it and that's great. So otherwise you the things you don't forgive yourself for or the things you don't remember is bad there's no lesson there. Okay, but if you know that's the proof that that's it. You got it. You know if you It's like when your child is doing something wrong and you correct them. You correct them because you know what's right. Same thing with self correction. You know what's right. That's it. Yeah, this is great. Very inspirational. So, okay. So still in the selfrust kind of area for maybe not as much self rust but connectedness to yourself. What are some signs that you've maybe you've observed with your clients or people in your groups? Like what are some signs that show that we've become disconnected from ourselves?

Elinor: That's a really interesting question because I don't think I've thought about it in a way to describe it. I just thought it's like a feeling. But so that's the first time I ever think about it live. I think that disconnected from yourself is come with the not knowing. I don't even know who I am. I don't even know what I want. I don't even know what makes me happy. I don't know if you ever watched the movie Runaway Bride.

Fernanda: Yes. With Julia Roberts with the eggs, right? Do you know that scene with the eggs?

Elinor: I do. I love that movie. And the that scene with the eggs is so I can go ahead and talk.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Elinor: So, the scene with the eggs is when she's finally by herself without all those husbands to be. She realized that she adopted herself to every man she went with. And if someone liked their egg hard boiled, she likes it hard boiled. If they like it over easy, she liked scrambled, she liked it scrambled. So one of the first things she's done when she was by herself is like, let me figure out what egg do I really like. Yeah.

And that's the kind of work you do is what do I really want? How many of the things that I'm considering as myself or as me or as my things that I like or connected to I adapted because my environment and how many of them are really me. Many people discover that many of their skills is because they went to school for it because their parents pushed them in that profession that's not even theirs. When you pause and and check in with yourself and there are ways to do it, you get to know a new person and you get to know and and that's one one of the things that's important to do it with some guidance or help is you get to know that person with grace.

You get to meet her with and what I like to do there is a method that is well known in the self-development and psychology world that's called repairing yourself. Yeah. So your bigger self meets your little self and I say your outer self meets your inner self and when you create that introduction because the your inner side in you cannot take action right it's there inside but it absorb all the result of your action. So if I say yes to you and went against my will, I hurt that little girl. And it's easier to hurt myself than to hurt someone that I see as my child. Now if I have to hurt my child versus hurted you, I'll hurt you.

You know if there is a say that if you are ever in a place where you have to choose between disappointing yourself and disappointing someone else your responsibility is to disappoint the other person and and learning that this is not selfish. It's better for the relationship because if I disappoint myself you if I disappoint myself on my on your expense right if I will give you and disappoint myself I you may like me in the moment but I will develop resentment for you and I will collect a hidden debt that you owe me something now. Now if you will not give me the thing I never communicate that you owe me now I'm going to start giving you attitude and none of us will understand why and it will take the relationship into not a good place. So that sacrifice is not necessarily healthy. It's not helping the relationship. It's hurting. I never want anyone to sacrifice because of because they're trying to be nice to me. I rather you communicate clearly and if you give me and when you give me I know it's 100% clean if if you will if that makes sense.

Fernanda: Yes. So in this little answer you just answered four of my questions about No worries. No worries. This is good. It just saved me the work of asking the question. I had these four questions for uh relationship and connectedness. And just to give a quick recap, you talked about um women learning to prioritize their own needs and not self-abandoning on in in sacrifice to somebody else. Um you you you gave us a reason why like not uh like why choosing ourselves is important and also um you you also have uh you said that it helps with the relationship because the rel the the you prioritizing your needs and being clear about what you want and need actually makes the relationship more real cuz you know that you're giving yourself 100% or you're your 100% honest, right? So, and I'd like to add to that because not only it did not make me, it doesn't make you selfish to do that. It m the way I see it, it makes you kind a because what I already mentioned when you give it's 100% giving. But one of the things I like to play in myself and the way I rephrase things, yeah, is every time I want to be a good wife, right? Part of the woman I want to be, I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good daughter.

Elinor: So, every time I do something kind for my husband, for example, like sometimes at night, he likes to have water next to his bed. And sometimes he goes to bed earlier than I do. And right before I go to bed, I'm ready to go to bed, but I check and I see that he doesn't have water. And I run and fill up his water and put it next to his bed. He may never know that I did it because he's already asleep and he probably think, "Oh, I probably put it there." He probably put it for himself. But for me, I'm gonna use my husband to be a better wife.

So me serving him is for me to be a better wife. Me serving my siblings or my parent or my friend makes me a better person. So I like to phrase it in my eyes. Some people see it, oh, you're giving. I'm like, no, I'm taking I'm using them to be a better me. I cannot be a better friend without my friend. So I'm using them to be a better friend. I cannot be a better mom without my kid. Right? So when the way you rephrase things differently, all of a sudden the giving doesn't feel like a sacrifice. It feels empowering. So, you give with even more energy, with more excitement. It's more real.

So, I'm not saying don't give. I'm saying if you can get yourself into giving and feeling really good about it, continue doing that. But the moment it doesn't feel good, pause. And if you can fix it, fix it. If you cannot, don't give. It's gonna damage everything.

Fernanda: Yeah. don't I guess the the way the what I'm hearing you say and I might be using different words but is when you're giving um make sure it's not giving to a point where you're depleting yourself and giving giving in a way that's enriching yourself and um yes yeah I see I believe in win-win I teach win-win and I'll share something real quick with you.

Elinor: So I was I love giving my friends I I've always been like this and and that's who I am in my DNA, right? But before I went through some changes, it depleted me. I always felt used. I always felt underappreciated. I always felt like it took so much from me. And then I started going through my own changes. And I remember a conversation with my first coach, and she said, "Elanor, you're not giving because you're a nice person. Don't don't think that's who that's why you're giving. You're giving because you have no value. And the overgiving gives value in your eyes. So it's for you. It's not for them. It's and it shocked me because I wanted to be a good person. That's why I'm giving. That's what I thought.

But then I realized, oh, I'm only giving because I feel like me being the friends is not enough. So let me overdo to compensate for my lack of value. And when I went through my changes, what change is really cool because I'm still giving the exact same but now my giving is not to compensate for lack of value is because I see so much value in me that I cannot not give. So the same action completely different feeling because now it what used to take energy away from me energizes me. I don't feel used. I don't because I set the tone. I choose when and what and how. I still give a lot, but it's something that energize me. It it it makes me more connected to myself versus disconnected from myself. And it's all because I shifted how I view myself. And this is what the core of the teaching. Once you change that, things may still look the same, but I will feel completely different. And that's the whole idea.

Fernanda: That's amazing. That's so it's like a you're you're giving on your own terms with boundaries. I know you mentioned boundaries earlier, but we haven't talked much about it yet. But like with the boundaries that work for you and now you don't feel resentful anymore and you don't feel depleted, you don't feel used. You're just uh uh you're giving out of what you want to give and none of those negative feelings are there related to your to giving anymore.

Elinor: It is very clean and it feels amazing to to have that. And I want to I'm pretty sure that from the other side people tell me I change all the time but never in a bad way. You know it's known that the world will treat you the way you teach them to treat you. You teach the world how to treat you but how you treat yourself. So if I don't see value in me, how dare I expect anyone else to see value in me. And if I see value in me, it doesn't matter what they see because I see the value and that's it.

Fernanda: I love this so much. So, let's talk about people pleasing and permission because some I do sometimes talk about people pleasing in this podcast. So you talked about like in your in your website you talk a lot about giving ourselves permission to want something different. Why is permission such a powerful concept?

Elinor: I believe that anything that holds us back is us not giving ourselves permission. We don't give ourselves permission to dream big. We don't give ourselves permission to want more. We don't give ourselves permission to speak louder. Anything we don't do it starts with permission. After permission there are other limit. There are resistance and there's all these things but it all starts with permission. And the moment you get permission it's like you open the tab and like you release all that pressure.

You are allowed to not like something. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed like the fact that you start something doesn't have to mean that you have to do it for the rest of your life. You're allowed to be disappointed. You you're allowed to do whatever your heart is telling you to do. Now, are we going to be like little toddlers and and and run after everything we want and freak out? No. But examine it first. The permission is always yes. But then we're going to examine how are we going to handle that. But permission we we have if we are not going to give ourselves permission the rest of the world permission will not matter.

It's like the rest of the world can come to your door money health friendship relationship abundance whatever and if your door is shut nothing gets in and then you feel frustrated. So that permission is you literally opening the door and saying I'm willing to receive. Now there will be other challenges in the way I mean I'm dealing with a lot of challenges all the time 10 years of challenges but the permission is there and and I'm granting myself more and more permission to receive more like this morning in my meditation what came up for me like the big thing is you got to sit at bigger tables which means the the circles you are now you outgrew them and I got to go higher I got to go to like seven figures table because that's where I'm I belong. And it sounds like arrogant. It sounds like I dismissing my current tables. But no, if I go to a higher table, I can bring so much knowledge and bring my table with me. But before I can bring them with me, I got to go there. I got to give myself permission to be there. So that's like permission is huge. It's the first step, but without it, nothing else matters.

Fernanda: Yes. Permission to receive. I love this so much. So okay and with people pleasing a lot of women unfortunately I think a lot of women end up with some level of people pleasing either through cultural conditioning or family and indoctrination like how does people pleasing play a role in keeping us stuck?

Elinor: So that people pleasing in my opinion there is nothing that will disconnect you from yourself more than that. Because once you go there you're not here. So people pleasing means I choose you over me and when I choose you over me I'm farther from me closer to you right and that's why I like to bring the concept of repairing because that keeps and and for me because I'm a mom but even if you're not a mom thinking about a concept of mother and child and asking the child hey what do you need what can I give you and then it doesn't feel it removes like the selfishness of like I take care of myself no it's the child that needs to get something and the thing is with that child no one else in the world can tend to that child if you are not tending to that child no one else in the it's not like a real child that they maybe support system other parent grandparents no this child you are the only feed there for this child and if you don't feed that child it will starve so so when I have that concept and the metaphors help me because it brings it makes me feel thing really alive so if you think about it in that way. Um, it's easier to say why will I choose you over me? You are responsible for you. I am responsible for me. Now, if I choose you, who's there taking care of me? I mean, I'm abandoned. So, you are in charge of you. I'm in charge of me. And we both try to find a way to work things together. But if I don't defend me, who am I defending? And who is going to be there to help me out? Right?

Fernanda: That's beautiful. Thank you. It's all about like listening to our inner selves and finding out what we truly need. Reparenting our in little Fernandas, little elinor's inside of us.

Elinor: Yes. And I think like remembering that is so like when I talk when I teach women that they cry because they understand, oh my god, that poor girl has been sitting there. I yell at her. I I judge her. I tell always tell her she's not enough. She always needs to do more. How often does she hear good job? How often does she hear I got your back? How often does she hear all these things? And when I when I say that, people cry because it is it is a big deal. And she has been abandoned for most of us.

Fernanda: Yes, most of us. I've done a lot of repairing myself using the IFS methodology, internal family systems.

Elinor: And yeah, I trust me, I know what you mean.

Fernanda: I had a few more questions for Elinor. For someone who just listened to this really rich conversation from you and all these great insights and and inspirational reframes. If someone is listening who is is facing a major life decision right now, what question should they ask themselves before making a move?

Elinor: I would recommend and maybe that's not what they want to hear, but I would not focus on the move, but focus on the self. So sometimes move is just a circumstance. It's just a side effect of what's happening inside. I cannot tell you how many women came to me and they said we're done. I want to get a divorce. This relationship is not working. And what they discovered throughout the journey is that they were not happy with themselves. And they put it on their husband. Now some relationship were meant to end and and they did but many was because every time they argue with their husband they argue with himself. He was happened to be there u every time and and the problem is is not to save that specific marriage is to understand they will take themselves wherever they go.

So if the repair will not happen internally nothing will change. So I would I would before they're making the move, I would sit down and check in with myself. Why do I want to make it? Is it something I'm running away from or is it something I'm running towards? And that's a huge distinguish. And sometimes you need help for someone to help you see that. Like if you run away from, you're going to run away for the rest of your life. You'll just change locations. If you're running towards something, wonderful. Keep going.

So before you even make those changes, you got you want to check in where is it coming from? And once you are clear about that, if you're not happy where you are, you're not happy. That's unquestionable. Like, you are not happy. Great. Now, we're starting. But before you know where you're going, you need to understand your why and what are you trying to achieve. 99.9% of the time, we're not trying to achieve the goal. We we moved from North Carolina to California, not to be in California because California makes us feel free, because California makes us feel creative. Whatever. I like North Carolina better, but you get the point. We move because it makes us something. It's not the thing. So, you want to see what's that something and then ask yourself, okay, how do I get to that something? not make the the goal the goal if that makes and that's why I said we use goals as a tool to get to become that next version to be calmer and happier with who you are to set yourself for the next step and the next step.

So I feel like I would sit and consider the why and the who is that person that I'm trying to become with this goal and then can I start being that person right now and then evolve from that person already. So, I know it's not very practical, but I think it's very important not to rush to jump because what we do, what we tend to do is we we want to change and we hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it, and then one day we explosively do it thinking we're courageous, but no, we're just responsive. We're just knee-jerk. And that's I mean it it can be courageous to do it, but it may not lead you to where you want and then you get burned out and then you never try something again. So that where you create those regrets.

So I'm saying if you want to do something great, I would like, I'm a living example for this and this is why I do it. If it's the first time you're doing something like get guidance. There is there is no vacation. There is no Gucci clothes. There is no makeup. There is none of that that will give you the ROI like investing in yourself. That investment in yourself will make you happier in your vacation, will make you happier with your finances, will make you happier with your relationship. So as someone who went and investment invested so much money in marketing tool and in weight loss program and in relationship tools I I've done and I realized that the tools that paid off the most is when I invested in my understanding of myself and I have I view the world and then I didn't even need marketing because I could express myself so well. I don't have to have a system, but when I paid $10,000 for a system without understanding myself, well, the system didn't work. Your tools are going to be as good as you are. And if you work on this, all your tools are so much better. So, I don't know if I answered the question, but I think I did in a way.

Fernanda: Definitely like look inwards first before you make a move. Sometimes depending on the kind of move you're considering, you might be trying to put lipstick on a pig, I guess, is the expression here in the United States. It's like is you're you're like spending a lot of money on a big vacation or expensive clothes. You might it might be just depending on the situation of course like not everyone is the same but it might be just a external um wallpapering whereas you're calling us to look inward figure out what we really want what who we want to be in that potential change.

Elinor: The question I recommend people ask all the time is what I mentioned before am I running away from or am I running towards Or is it a compensation for something I don't have or an expression for something I have? For example, let's let's bring it like to the earth to like something measurable. If you don't have money but you want people to think you do, you can go on fancy vacations, buy a car, and compensate on your lack with like showing off, right? But if you worked so hard and you made all this money and you're so proud of yourself and you're going on vacation and buy the same car, that's an expression of who you are. So externally, it looks the exact same. Internally, one will make you feel terrible, the other one will make you feel amazing.

So what you want to go is for the feeling. How is it making me feel? Am I trying to show something that I'm not? And if that maybe let's on the show. Let's become that something. If you want to show something, great. That's a signal what you want to be. Now let's be that and invest in the being instead of the show. It's more expensive to to invest on the show. But when you expend invest in the being, no show is needed. You are that. And that's that's my words.

Fernanda: It's amazing. So, Elinor, I think we're getting to a close and thank you so much for all the inspirational inspiration, encouragement, and also very deep like call deep calls to investigate ourselves um below the surface level really and in a in a in a healthy self- forgiving, self-loving, self-rusting and reparenting way. And all of these things resonate with me big time. So, I'm really happy that we're having you on the podcast. Thank you. Thank you. Where can our listeners find you? What do you want to tell listeners about what's coming up for you? Um, you know, and I'll also take whatever you say and put it in the show notes.

Elinor: Yes. So, I'm very active on Instagram. I share my things, but I also share a lot of other people's things. I put my little two cents and comments on it and my spin to it. So, my Instagram is Elinor Miller Life Coach and I spell my name differently. So, when you put it in the note, hopefully they can find it. You can go on my website, but really Instagram is where I share so many nuggets and wisdom. That's where I invite people to my offerings.

My next offering is coming up June 30th. It is the first time I'm doing it in a group concept. I wanted to make it accessible. It's expensive to hire a life coach. Not everyone can afford it. Not everyone have the time or the money. And I understand although I got into debt to invest in it because I understood how important it is. And it paid time. It paid itself hundreds time more. But not everyone, especially those in the beginning. It's a it's it's a big thing. So I created a group concept. And although it's going to be affordable anyway, the first one is the most affordable thing I'll put out there. It is 12 week of coaching. It's a cohort. It's a small group, 10 people.

And I take you through the process I mentioned here. It's seven modules, but 12 weeks. We take our time. We go through. So you will find you will define where you are and where you want to go and you watch yourself going through that in 12 weeks in including going through the resistance going through wanting to give up how you overcome who you're becoming through this process and it's a beautiful process and I cannot recommend it enough and hopefully that it will fill up and I'll get to share it with as many women as possible.

Fernanda: Nice. Awesome. Well, it sounds wonderful. uh for so for the listeners who are interested, please check out Elinor on all of her presence uh social media, Instagram and her website. Thank you so much for spending time with us. Until next time, keep choosing connection, keep trusting yourself, and keep showing up as the fullest version of who you are. Until next time, keep filling your cup.