How to Find Your People: Community, Friendship & Belonging

Fernanda: Welcome, everyone, to this special episode of the Connectedness podcast. There are some people who, when they walk into a room, make everyone feel like they belong without even trying.

You know the type: the friend who remembers everyone's name, the one who somehow ends up organizing the group outing, the one who builds community the way the rest of us build grocery lists—naturally, consistently, and with a whole lot of heart. That's Geraldine.

Geraldine: Oh, thank you! And that's you, Fernanda, too—you're talking about yourself!

Fernanda: We met a few years ago at salsa, and from the beginning, I noticed the gentle superpower she carries: the way she brings people together without forcing anything.

She's Kenyan, she's a social worker, and she's one of the most intentional community builders I know. Today we're talking about how she does it, what community means to her, and what she sees happening behind the scenes when people feel connected.

And of course, her secret sauce for making friends and creating a chosen family wherever she goes. Settle in, grab your coffee or your walking shoes, and get ready. Geraldine, let's talk about our origin story—how do you remember us meeting?

Geraldine: We met at the Infinity Ballroom back when it existed. It was my first time attending a salsa social after a very long time.

I came with two girlfriends, and we were lost when they started the rotation where you dance with a partner and then rotate. We were treating it like musical chairs, and Fernanda, you came over so gently and kindly and told us, "Hey, this is how you do it." That's my first memory of you.

A few weeks later, I saw you at a meetup at Amal's, but I thought it might be weird if I just walked up to say hi, so I didn't. Then we met again at another dance social, and the rest is history.

Fernanda: I remember coming up to you ladies and saying, "You need to join the circle!"

Geraldine: Yes, and thank you, because we were wondering why everyone was looking at us so strangely! Nobody was kind enough to tell us directly, or maybe they just didn't know what was happening. You are always so good at noticing when someone needs assistance, and that was such a kind gesture.

Fernanda: We've known each other for two or three years now, danced together, gone on adventures, and you've hosted wonderful parties at your house. You've brought this beautiful girls' group together. Can you share a bit about your background growing up in Kenya and whether you've always been this community-minded?

Geraldine: I am this way without choice! I have two parents who were very socially involved.

I was born in Kenya, and our household was always full of people. My younger aunts, who were teenagers close to my age, lived with us. That community-centered lifestyle is simply the African way—you rely on your neighbors.

We grew up in a neighborhood where if you ran out of sugar, you walked across the street and knocked on the door. In the 1980s, I went to a school run by nuns, and the headmistress would always say, "Keep Kenya clean." She taught us to pick up trash, care for our surroundings, and take pride in our environment.

On top of that, my parents would meet people when they were out and about and bring them home. When I was about six, during the 1984 famine and conflict in Ethiopia, refugees were seeking asylum. My dad met a young guy around sixteen who said, "I don't ask for money, but I'm so hungry—can you get me a banana?"

My dad brought him home, and he stayed with us for weeks while his asylum hearing was processed before he left for Sweden. We called him Uncle Daniel, and he was hilarious—he would put bars of soap under his shirt sleeves and pretend to have huge biceps.

Another time, my aunts met a Canadian artist backpacking through East Africa at a market, and she ended up staying with us for a few months. She was involved with the Kenya National Theatre, took us backstage with her friends, and gave us scripts to sing along with. My siblings and I had all these unique experiences because of how easily our family opened our doors to people.

Fernanda: It was like an informal exchange student program right in your home. You had all that early exposure, and then you moved to the US and built community here. You host game nights and parties with regulars, newcomers, and family alike. What do you do to make people feel included and like they belong?

Geraldine: It evolved over time. When my sister and I were roommates in our twenties, we had impromptu gatherings all the time, which is very common in Kenyan and African culture—a few people gather, someone calls another friend, and suddenly it's a full party.

As I got older, the people in my life became very diverse because they appeal to different parts of who I am. On the surface, some of my friends seem completely different from one another, but there is always a deeper thread that connects people.

We tend to limit ourselves when we don't take the time to talk to people a little longer or when we write them off too quickly. I used to spend a lot of energy worrying if everyone would get along, which became exhausting.

Eventually, I decided to just bring people together with joyous intent. When you create that space, people sense it and naturally show up as their higher selves.

Fernanda: That is so true. People come together, have a wonderful time, and make unexpected connections with someone they might never have spoken to otherwise.

Geraldine: It makes me so happy when two friends connect at a gathering and later decide to hang out on their own.

Fernanda: I've definitely been guilty of trying to curate my guest lists to manage who gets along with whom, but it gets stressful. Trying to control the outcome is part of that codependent behavior I've been working to unlearn. You're giving me permission to just invite people and let things unfold.

Geraldine: You have to let it unfold, because at the end of the day, everyone is responsible for themselves. Curating a list comes from care and wanting a safe environment, but it can also underestimate people's ability to be curious, ask clarifying questions, and navigate social spaces.

It can still feel nerve-wracking to host—I still have moments where I wonder if someone might unintentionally say something awkward—but it isn't your responsibility to manage everyone's reactions. I try not to overthink it and just let the gathering be what it is.

Fernanda: At your game night, everyone was relaxed, laughing, and showing sides of their personality you don't always get to see. When you meet someone new, how do you decide if they're a safe person to bring into your community?

Geraldine: I don't follow a formula—it's very intuitive. We all contribute to each other's lives, and sometimes there's a mutual need or resonance that just pulls you together.

I'll be minding my own business, exchange a look or a passing comment with a stranger, and it sparks a wonderful conversation. Sometimes that moment is brief and you never see them again, but it's still meaningful.

Other times you cross paths again, realize they feel safe, and gravitate toward each other. Being your full self acts as a natural filter—it either attracts the right people or lets those who aren't a fit move along.

Fernanda: It is a leap of faith. You trust your instinct and hope people show up with good energy.

Geraldine: Some people have very sharp radar that tells them to stay away immediately, while people like us say, "Let's invite them to a party and see what happens!"

Fernanda: How has your background in social work shaped how you show up in friendships and groups?

Geraldine: Social work is the tool I use to express who I naturally am. I resisted social work for a long time because I misunderstood what it entailed, but once I saw what it truly was, I realized it aligned with who I've always been.

Growing up in a community-based culture taught me that building community creates safety and trust.

Fernanda: You have built such a close sisterhood with several women from salsa. What does "chosen family" mean to you, and what turns a circle of friends into a family?

Geraldine: It feels like magic when you gel with people and realize you genuinely need each other at this point in life. Chosen family is intentional.

I am lucky that my biological siblings are also my close friends, but for many people, biological ties don't guarantee closeness. That can feel fracturing when people look like you but don't share how you feel or think.

With chosen family, you feel belonging with each other rather than belonging to an obligation. Looking at our group, a stranger might wonder how we fit together because our backgrounds are so diverse, but it comes down to how safe and joyful you feel together without needing to hide.

Fernanda: When you peel back the layers, background and demographics don't matter as much as core values like love and integrity.

Geraldine: That's true, because people accept you as you are. Dancing also plays a huge role in disarming people.

When you dance for your soul rather than performance, you are co-regulating, matching each other's energy, and laughing through missed steps. I can't do a double turn, but we laugh through it together anyway.

Dancing is where I go to play. As adults, we need every opportunity we can find to play and enjoy life.

Fernanda: For someone listening who wants deeper friendships but feels hesitant to take big social leaps, what is one small step they could take today?

Geraldine: Remember that you aren't the only one craving depth—someone else is looking for it too. Ask a meaningful or slightly quirky question that breaks the script instead of the usual routine of "What do you do for work?"

Ask something like, "Did something make you laugh so hard you almost cried this week?" or compliment their style and ask about their creative process. Questions like that disarm people and signal that you are genuinely interested in connecting.

If they aren't interested, they'll exit politely, and that's okay—treat it as protection rather than rejection. What is the worst that can happen? You leave in the exact same position you arrived in, without having lost anything.

Even simply admitting, "I'm new here and feeling a little nervous," disarms the room. When you share that vulnerability, people almost always lean in and welcome you.

Fernanda: Geraldine reminds us that community isn't something we stumble into; it's something we build through small moments of courage and intentionality. You don't need to be the loudest person in the room—you just need to notice people, care genuinely, and show up consistently.

If this conversation sparked a desire in you to reach out to someone or create space for connection, follow that nudge. Geraldine, thank you so much for sharing your magic with us today.

Geraldine: Thank you, Fernanda. I love you and our whole community!

Fernanda: The world definitely needs more Geraldine magic. Until next time, keep filling your cups and don't be afraid to invite someone new to your table!