How a Life Coach Helps You Trust Yourself Again

Fernanda: Welcome, everyone. This is episode 10 of the Connectedness podcast, and we have a special guest: Lisa Chadderdon. She is going to tell us all about life coaching, finding confidence, clarity, and connection.

Friends, welcome back. This is a space where we get real about what it means to grow, connect, and keep showing up as our most authentic selves. Today, I'm super excited to introduce you to my friend Lisa Chadderdon. She's a lawyer who made a big life pivot to become a life coach.

We are going to talk about what led her to make that change, what life coaching actually is, and how it can help people move through the kinds of challenges we all face at different points in our lives. We'll get into things like low confidence, people-pleasing, and the deeper patterns underneath those struggles. We might even do a little bit of role-playing at the end to show what a life coaching conversation can sound like in real time.

Whether you've ever thought about working with a coach yourself or you're just curious about how people create more purpose and balance in their lives, I think you're going to find a lot of insight and maybe even some gentle truth bombs in this one. Grab your coffee or tea, get cozy, and let's jump in. Welcome, Lisa! Thank you so much for joining me.

Lisa Chadderdon: Thank you for having me, Fernanda.

Fernanda: I joke that I manifested Lisa out of thin air. When I was new to Charlotte, I had made a couple of friends, but those friendships weren't in alignment with what I wanted. I was journaling one day about what I wanted in a new friend—shared interests, smart, kind, integrity, dependable, not flaky.

The very next day, I met Lisa at a French meetup, and we had also seen each other at a kizomba dance meetup. It felt like a sign from the universe that we needed to be friends because we shared French and dancing. Lisa, can you tell us about your background, how you moved into life coaching, and the Gather meetup we co-host together?

Lisa Chadderdon: Yes, thank you for that introduction. I didn't realize how much you had manifested our meeting! I try to speak French, and I love dancing kizomba, bachata, and salsa.

My background started as a business writer and editor in Boston. I wrote case studies for Harvard Business School and worked for Fast Company magazine and Inc. magazine's website. About ten years out of college, I went to law school and have been an employment and business litigation attorney for almost two decades.

Due to a series of life events in my early to mid-forties—including getting separated and divorced after an almost twenty-year marriage with a kindergartner—my life got completely upended. Through my own healing journey, I found life coaching, which pulled together all the threads of what I had done in my prior careers. The purpose I had been searching for my whole life kind of dropped into my lap.

Fernanda: It was actually Lisa's idea early this year to host a monthly women's circle. We came up with the name Gather under Filled Cups, and we've been hosting it since April or May.

It has been wonderful because the women who attend are so open, authentic, and vulnerable. By the end of each session, people really feel connected and understand what everyone is going through. Can you share a bit more about what drew you to coaching?

Lisa Chadderdon: About ten or twelve years ago, I worked with a career psychologist to figure out what I really wanted to do with my career. We did personality and career assessments over several sessions, and at our final meeting, she asked me to identify three to five moments across my life when I felt deeply fulfilled.

When we looked at those peak moments, two common themes emerged: service and storytelling. When I discovered life coaching, it connected those two core values.

As a writer and journalist, my job was about asking questions, understanding where people come from, and telling their stories. As a litigator, it was about understanding people's motivations and helping them move toward a resolution. Life coaching packages service, storytelling, and human behavior all into one.

Fernanda: What exactly is life coaching, and how is it different from therapy or mentoring?

Lisa Chadderdon: Everyone has a slightly different definition, but for me, life coaching is working with our thinking, beliefs, and the unconscious narratives running through our heads that drive our current results. We look at how to shift those thoughts so you can get to where you want to be.

The main difference is that therapy often looks backward into childhood, past events, and mental health diagnoses to understand why things are the way they are. Coaching is forward-looking: it starts with where you are right now and focuses on how to get you to where you want to go.

Fernanda: Have you ever had a client situation where coaching starts crossing over into therapy territory?

Lisa Chadderdon: I haven't had that happen directly, but if it did, I would refer someone to therapy immediately because they serve different purposes. They can work in tandem nicely, though. Coaching can provide tools to implement the insights someone is discovering in therapy.

Fernanda: What is your core approach and philosophy when working with clients?

Lisa Chadderdon: I start with mindset work, which means learning to notice what thoughts your brain is offering you throughout the day. Most of us go through life reacting to thousands of thoughts without realizing they are driving our actions.

I also incorporate somatic awareness and nervous system regulation, like breathing techniques, because anxiety or dysregulation makes it hard to shift our thinking. How we think isn't the only piece, but combining mindset work with somatic awareness creates powerful change.

Fernanda: So it's about becoming aware of thoughts that aren't serving you and intentionally rescripting them.

Lisa Chadderdon: Exactly, but it's a gradual process. You can't just snap your fingers and change how you think.

The first step is learning not to beat ourselves up for having unhelpful thoughts, because our brain is just trying to protect us from uncertainty, embarrassment, or danger. Once you acknowledge that, you can decide how you want to intentionally approach the situation instead.

Fernanda: Let's look at a few common challenges people bring to life coaching. First: low confidence or impostor syndrome, like someone doubting themselves after a career change, layoff, or breakup. How do you help them rebuild self-trust?

Lisa Chadderdon: We start by identifying the specific stories creating that self-doubt—thoughts like "I'm not good enough" or "Nothing ever goes my way." Then we examine whether those stories are actually true and where they came from.

When you pull on those threads, you start to see how we self-sabotage by deciding ahead of time that things will go poorly. When we anticipate failure, we tend to create that exact negative result.

Fernanda: I've struggled with impostor syndrome in my career, and I've read that high achievers often suffer from it the most.

Lisa Chadderdon: It helps so much to realize you aren't the only one feeling that way. When you're in it, it feels like everyone else has it all figured out, but in spaces like Gather, people quickly realize that self-doubt is normal.

Our brain sounds the alarm because being an outsider feels unsafe. You can recognize that your brain is just doing its job, thank it for trying to protect you, and tell it that you've got this.

Fernanda: Another common challenge is people-pleasing: someone who says yes to everything and ends up completely exhausted. How does coaching help with that?

Lisa Chadderdon: As a recovering people-pleaser myself, I've learned that people-pleasing isn't actually about making other people happy. It is about avoiding our own discomfort.

When you say yes to something you don't want to do, you're usually trying to prevent the other person from thinking something negative about you. Realizing that people-pleasing is driven by our fear of how someone might respond is where the real unpacking begins.

Fernanda: I'm in recovery from people-pleasing, learning to say no politely while protecting my energy and boundaries.

Lisa Chadderdon: It's helpful to ask yourself: "Is it really true that they won't like me if I say no?" Most of the time, our friends don't want us doing things that make us miserable, and if someone truly thinks badly of you for speaking your truth, it's worth asking if that's a healthy friendship.

Fernanda: What about someone feeling stuck or directionless after checking all the traditional boxes of career, family, and stability?

Lisa Chadderdon: I start by asking whose checkboxes they were in the first place. Early in life, we often adopt goals handed to us by family, culture, or society.

When you achieve them and still feel empty, you have to unwind those expectations and ask what actually fulfills you now. Women especially are conditioned to view prioritizing their own desires as selfish, but getting clear on what fulfills you ultimately allows you to show up better for everyone in your life.

Fernanda: Those breakthrough moments with clients must be incredible to witness.

Lisa Chadderdon: Seeing that light bulb go off in someone's eyes is why I love coaching so much.

Fernanda: Another scenario is fear of change: someone unhappy in their job who wants to pivot, but is paralyzed by catastrophic "what ifs" about money and security. How does coaching help?

Lisa Chadderdon: We examine the worst-case scenario directly. If you say, "I'm going to end up destitute," we ask: what are the realistic odds of that, and what would you actually do if the worst happened?

When we explore concrete solutions, we reconnect with our natural resourcefulness. At the root of catastrophic thinking is a lack of self-trust, but the reality is you've figured out every hard thing in your life up to this point, and you will figure out whatever comes next, too.

Fernanda: That concept of trusting your future self to handle challenges has stuck with me from our Gather meetings.

Lisa Chadderdon: People often forget their own track record of success. We tend to dismiss our progress and focus only on what went wrong, which is why celebrating both small and big wins is essential.

A good coach acts as a mirror, reminding you of where you started and how much you've already grown so you have the momentum to keep trying new things.

Fernanda: The last example is navigating divorce and trying to rebuild a sense of identity. What guidance do you offer someone in that transition?

Lisa Chadderdon: First, allow yourself to feel all the grief and heavy emotions rather than keeping them trapped in your head. Once you process the grief of the storyline you thought your life was going to take, you can reframe the blank slate.

Starting fresh can feel terrifying, but it is also an opportunity to build whatever life you want. People get trapped in "what am I supposed to do," but there is no single right script—coaching helps clients discover the answers that are already inside them.

Fernanda: Speaking of coaching, I have a personal example to throw your way. In a recent video, I talked about balancing physical, mental, social, and financial health.

Lately, my physical health habits have slipped. I've dealt with weight fluctuations and emotional eating in the past, and with big career changes happening, I'm noticing those old patterns resurfacing. Why do we slip into self-sabotage?

Lisa Chadderdon: Why do you think you're self-sabotaging? What was the first thought that came up?

Fernanda: Fear of the unknown with my career transitions. Part of me is feeling irrational panic about what's going to happen.

Lisa Chadderdon: That makes complete sense. Your brain is trying to protect you from the uncertainty of the future, so it retreats to familiar past behaviors that feel comfortable.

You're already doing great by bringing awareness to it, but you are also holding a lot of "shoulds"—believing you shouldn't be eating this way or letting habits slip. What if where you are right now is a normal part of navigating major life transitions?

Fernanda: Because of past baggage around weight, there's a voice telling me that if I accept where I am, I'll just keep gaining weight.

Lisa Chadderdon: Notice how quickly your brain jumped from accepting the present moment to assuming failure is inevitable. Acceptance doesn't mean inaction or letting yourself go.

It simply means acknowledging where you are right now without shame, while knowing you can still make an intentional choice in the very next hour to go for a walk or nourish your body. Acceptance means recognizing where you are without letting the past dictate what happens next.

Fernanda: Acceptance doesn't mean giving up, and forgiveness doesn't mean pretending everything is fine.

Lisa Chadderdon: It's about allowing circumstances to be what they are so you have the power to choose what to do next. Forgiveness works the same way: it's not about condoning someone's behavior, but releasing its hold on your mind so it no longer controls your feelings.

Fernanda: What would you say to someone considering working with a life coach?

Lisa Chadderdon: Do your research and schedule consultation calls. I offer a free one-hour consultation with zero pressure, simply to explain how coaching works and help you decide if it's the right fit for you.

Just like finding a therapist or doctor, the connection needs to feel right, and a conversation is the best way to see if you feel comfortable together.

Fernanda: And what about someone navigating a major life transition?

Lisa Chadderdon: Examine the stories you're telling yourself about where your life was "supposed" to be. Journal or talk through those expectations with a friend, and don't be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions.

Transitions are uncomfortable, but getting comfortable with discomfort helps us move through changes with far more resilience.

Fernanda: You're also co-facilitating an upcoming workshop called The Freedom Rewrite with Molly Barker, the founder of Girls on the Run. Can you share a bit about that?

Lisa Chadderdon: It's a six-week in-person workshop on Sundays in Charlotte for women looking to unpack limiting narratives and rewrite their personal stories. We'll be working in a supportive group setting to face transitions and step into who we want to become.

Fernanda: I'll include the workshop details, your website, and your contact information in the show notes. Lisa, thank you so much for joining me, sharing your story, and coaching me through my own challenge today.

Personal growth isn't about fixing ourselves; it's about remembering who we are underneath the noise. Until next time, take care and keep your cups filled!