Finding Love After 40: Values, Expectations, & Mindset Tips with Amy Schoen

Hey friends, welcome back to Connectedness. I'm Fernanda, your host and founder of Filled Cups. And this is the space where we explore what it means to grow, connect, and to trust ourselves and to show up authentically with each other. Today, we're diving into a topic that's incredibly relevant for anyone who is single and looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship. The expectations we bring into dating. Many of us enter the dating world carrying hopes, assumptions, and past experiences, and ideas about what love should look like.

Sometimes those expectations help us make better choices and stay true to our values. Other times they can unintentionally create barriers that keep us from seeking partners clearly or being open to connection. To help us unpack this, I'm joined by Amy Shonne, a relationship coach who specializes in helping marriage minded singles find lasting love. Through her coaching and personal experience, Amy helps people gain clarity about what they want in a relationship, identify what may be holding them back, and approach dating with greater confidence and intention. Today, we'll talk about the role expectations play in dating, how to distinguish healthy standards from unrealistic ones, and what people can do to cultivate the mindset that allows them to be open to meeting the right partner. Amy, welcome to connectedness.

Oh, thank you, Fernanda. Thank you for having me.

Yes. Thank you for joining us today, sharing your wisdom. Amy, can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your business and what kind of coaching you do, right?

I'm a certified professional life coach and I specialize, like you said, in helping singles find their true love partners. And marriage is a choice. So like anything it may not be right for the stage of life you're in. So I myself was single, found myself divorced from my first marriage in my mid 30s and I was the poster child for motivated to marry. I wanted to be married with a family. I was really disappointed. I never expected to be in that situation in my mid 30s. I actually hired a coach when I turned 40 and through that I did meet my husband. I had to get rid of some limiting beliefs and kind of see how I was approaching dating and I did meet my husband and I got married at 42 and we're celebrating 24 years of marriage this summer. And that's amazing. We have an 18 year-old and you know life is like very exciting at this time of life.

So with a kid at home basically he has one more year of high school. So I was actually being sent people to after I met my husband and got married and I felt that I needed skills. So I did get training and certified and I'm a I'm a PCC with the ICF and I've been doing this now for 20 years and have hope many positive experiences and success stories.

Are there babies out there called Amy in your honor?

I don't know. I'll have to find out. But I know there are babies and I also work with, you know, I work from people from 27, let's just say, to in almost 80. So I have my oldest client to get married. He was 77. Now, I have a lot of people, a lot of boomers. I work with a lot of boomers now, but they're not necessarily married. So, that's a choice and that's a different thing. Yeah, at that stage of life that has to make sense for you with your family and your finances and all that.

Totally. I totally get it. Yeah.

But they're some of the ones who are not necessarily married, they're in sign very committed partnerships and even living together.

Wonderful. Oh, that's wonderful. Okay. So, when you work with singles who are looking for a serious relationship, what are some of the most common expectations that you see people bringing into dating?

Well, one of the things is the pacing expectations. One person is like ready to go and the other person's like, well, you know, maybe they have some trauma or they had a bad experience or they're an introvert and they're like, not so fast. Not so fast. So getting people on the same page. So when someone's ready to be exclusive, and that's one of the things I really work with my clients around is to build a plan for exclusivity. But I do find when people do the work and they're really clear about who they are and the right partner, there's like a a recognition and and it just kind of clicks. And on average, my clients get exclusive, not married, exclusive within three to six dates. Now, the marriage part, there's so many factors around that. Not everyone gets married as we talked about, but to move it to a more committed situation. So yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I just want to make sure I heard it right. You said be within six to eight dates or...

Three to six dates.

Three to six dates. Okay. That's pretty good.

I mean, yeah, but they've done the work and the other person has knowledge and understanding and things like that. So, sometimes when it doesn't move to that degree, there may be may and a lot depends on how often they're seeing people. That's another expectation. How often you see someone or how much time you spend with somebody. Some people need more time for self, you know. I see that sometimes.

So, I'll give you an example. I have one lady in her 60s, very youthful, active. And she met this great guy and he kind of has family in her backyard and that's what she wants. She doesn't want to travel too far for a relationship and things were going really nicely. But then he took on a job in a consulting job and he wasn't available and so and then he was traveling and so that kind of like how can we say offset the relationship. It kind of like it was going well and then all of a sudden and she says this is not what I expect. I'm retired you know. She wants a playmate. So I do see there's a stage like what you want and expectations.

There's definitely a difference in the boomer of the retired versus the non-retired. In the younger age it's the having the kids and not having kids thing. So that was what I was struggling with when I was in my late 30s into my early 40s. The men were like I have my kids already. I don't want any more kids. Right? Or they may never want kids. I have clients who tell me I really don't want children. I'm focused on my career. I'm happy with the way things are. I don't, you know, I don't think I can handle that. So that's big thing.

You know, another expectations is about how much time you spend with friends and family and seeing issues around that. I just was speaking to a man in his 30s. He's divorced and he said the reason was that she didn't like being with his family or something like that or didn't want to spend much time with his family and he liked his family. So silly. I mean, it sounds silly, but there's also things around animals, you know, and I have a cat and I needed a guy who was okay with a cat, but then some people say, you know, I sleep with my dog and like I don't want have a dog in my bed. So there's all these things that can come up that people have to really finances is another area around expectations. Who pays for what? You know and how do you decide that.

Today I had a young couple and it was it's a very cute story because they it ended up well but they were both like early 30s both software developers and you know and he would take her out to dinner and then they would go back to her place and they would like listen to music or watch a movie and he was a perfect gentleman you nothing no hanky until they wanted it and she came we were coaching she goes I don't get it why don't we do something more I said why don't you ask them so you know men are pretty direct right you know they'll tell if you ask him they'll tell you he goes well if you could contribute we could do more and she had to make a decision and she had a value around equal partnership and I said why wouldn't you want equal partnership in other areas of life and not finances and they were earning the same amount of. So, she had to kind of come to terms with that and she really liked him and said, "Yes, I could do that." And so, it worked out and they're married and I think they have two kids and yada yada.

Oh, what a great story. I'm happy to hear that. I'm happy. But it goes back to the values and I called her on it because I saw that it was there and I go very deep into my client's values and we really look at and get a full list of maybe two dozen values that you have that you may or may not share with your partner and which ones do you need to share with a partner. And that's important to look at. So that's usually where things kind of values being stepped on, things not being aligned, you know. So you have your goals that need to be aligned. You have to want the same things in in the same time frame. Your relationship values need to be aligned. And then you have those must haves and would like to haves kind of things.

Like for me, he has to be able to live with a cat. He doesn't have to love a cat, but he has to be willing to live with. I wasn't giving my cat up. I had that cat through my divorce. She was my security animal or mental health animal. That kind of thing. Right.

Thank you so much. That was super deep about expectations and the top and going into the values, which is like one level even deeper. Right. It's super important. When you're meeting with people who are out in the dating world and they they have very high standards, like how do you help them navigate the difference between having healthy standards or being like overly rigid about their standards?

Right? So, sometimes people bring things into an expectations and they think I must have this. So, I'm a young woman who's really into natural being a natural sustaining, you know, sustaining working with the land and even cultivating your own vegetables and stuff like that. And, you know, she came and she's like, I really need a guy to have that. And I said, well, that may be really hard. I said, you know, and we have our values and say, these are the things. So when I do the values clarification session, we really look at what you need to be happy in a relationship and then we do this exercise called the must haves and would like to haves.

So again the must have for me with my husband was he must be willing to live with a cat. And what the would love to like to have is that he really loves cats. Okay. Or I have another example. My would like to have well I would like to have a really good dancer because I like to dance but my non-negotiable is must be willing to get your butt out of the chair and and get on the dance floor and make a fool of yourself because my ex-husband would sit there and would never get up because he was too worried everyone was looking at him and nobody cares right you know so but he was very self-conscious and so that I didn't want this time

So, like you're saying, there's like levels. I love how you're, sorry to interrupt, but I love how you approach it in levels like, okay, it would be nice to have somebody who likes to dance, but my non-negotiable, you got to get up. You got to get up and and try at least, right?

So, in the coaching, what we came to realize was I said, what if a guy was support. Oh, so I said that you have values that you share and values that are a personal value. For instance, I'll give you an example. I'm one of my values is being an independent creative entrepreneur probably like you. It's like what we like to do. We like to create things and I write a book and I have my coaching programs. My motivated to marry coaching, you know, I'm constantly in creative mode. Okay. Now, my husband doesn't need to be an independent creative entrepreneur, but I had another business when I was dating. I had actually a women's clothing boutique. And I just needed a man who supports me, appreciates and respects what I do. So there's a difference, isn't he's not an independent in creative entrepreneur. And if he was, I don't know if we could actually get along because you need. He's my steady Eddie, you know. So sometimes, I said, you know, it'd be nice if he had that, but most likely wouldn't.

But if he could respect you for it, support you and help you with this or even appreciate you for this and maybe you can teach him something that he didn't know that he's more aware of now and is happy to support you with this. So in a sense it's like you know with the must haves and would like does he really have to have this or how does he need to be with this because it's important part of your life. Yes. So that was the difference. So, it opened her up to more possibilities, which is what you need to do, you know, when you're dating is not, yes, you need to keep good boundaries and keep yourself safe and not, you know, let somebody step on your core values and what you really need and respect you and it's going to be a different person and they're going to be differences. So to be able to accept those differences in each other and so I think you know I widen her up to those possibilities.

Oh this is amazing. I love how much experience you have talking to daters and also drawing from your own experience and because it it really paints a picture of like the challenges that people have when they're out there dating. Do you see for the people that you're coaching? Do you see them ruling people out or ruling out potential partners very quickly?

Yeah, that was my mistake. I have like the top dating mistakes and mine was I mean I was in my mid 30s, you know, intelligent and whatever and you know, it's like I was very quick to judge and so you got to give a nice person a chance. I almost missed my husband. It was my coach who told me to give him a second look because yeah. And I judged him because he had never been married and he was 47. And so, you know, what are you judging people on? And is it a fair assessment and so when I got to spend time with him and he's an introvert and I call my introverts like onions. You have to peel the outer layer to get to the juicy stuff. When I spent time with him and I, you know, really listened and he's good one- on-one, you know, I learned about him. I saw that he was working on himself.

He shares that personal growth value and that, you know, of course, he wanted to be married and his last relationship he was in and out for seven years hoping it was going to lead to marriage. Well, the woman was not even marriage. She was using him and I don't even think she was serious about you know he was kind of clueless I have to say you know cute but clueless so you know he worked on himself he got some support he worked with in a he had a therapist or a group or something and I like that I like that he was working on and and that's a big thing for me is to have a partner who we can talk it out if we need help you'll be willing to get help Again, my ex-husband, he went to a therapist, but he used it as a way to just lash out at me. My ex had no no desire to repair the relationship. He wanted to show me that he was pushing me away.

So you know, I learned from that and so I wanted a different kind of situation. And I actually wrote a book called Get It Right This Time: How to Find and Keep Your Ideal Romantic Relationship. And it is about making better decisions for yourself and and dating with a better decision- making tool so you can go forward more confident and you can know yourself better and know what works for you and what doesn't work for you.

Nice. We'll put all the links in the show notes for the book, your website, and all your information because it's really good stuff, Amy. like you I think you have a lot of really good stuff to share with singles and I really like your message and your methodology and your content. Can I ask you a little bit about chemistry in early dating? Like do you feel and maybe you can also lump in attraction too? Chemistry and attraction like do you feel like people sometimes put too much weight on it or do you feel like it's super important? Like, what have you seen?

Well, there is definitely a difference between men and women, but definitely I think that people, you know, you do need some chemistry, but even so again, there's the introvert extrovert thing. So, the introverts hold back their evaluators. They're kind of like saying, is this working for me? They kind of hold a little bit about themselves back. So, let me give you a story. So, I had a woman, she was in her early 40s, and we got her online and I had done all everything with her and she had what I called an almost not quite relationship previously and this was in the like the fall, the summer fall. And January is one of the best times to get online and and a lot of my clients go online. Actually, 80% of my successfully couple clients meet through online dating.

So I said you need to go you know be online January 1st and she had everything ready to go a great profile and photos and you know I had helped her with all soup to nuts and and so then this guy reaches out and sees her profile and then she meets him and she goes you know I'm not feeling it and I'm like I'm I'm looking at everything. I'm like, "This guy, if this guy like fits you to a tea," and I'm like, "Well, go out with him a couple more times. You don't have to say no thank you just yet, you know, let's just see." And it kicked in for her. And because he was willing to share and be more vulnerable and you know, and so there are these gems out there and and you have to give them a chance.

Now that's women and women get to know men they can become more attracted. However, men are very visual and it's kind of like if it's is either there or not. You know I did have one client and he was a very shy male and he met this woman. He said this is bothering me about her and it was physical and again she was like ideal for him maybe. I said, "Well, maybe you can look at it differently or something, you know." And I looked at her. I thought she was beautiful. So, it's like, "Well, this bothers me about her, you know." But I said, "Well, don't, you know, let's just see what happens. Don't you know." And they ended up getting married and they have a family and I just actually reached out recently because I it was Father's Day and and his birthday and you they have a little girl and and he's so happy. Um, so sometimes we shoot ourselves in the foot. I've done I made I've made a lot of mistakes. So, you know, I know what they are and I know what we all do. You know, there are things and judging too quickly is one of those things.

But if something feels uncomfortable, trust your gut. And we do have this intuition. And I could, you know, there's a great book called Gift of Fear. I don't know if you've ever read it, but a lot of times when we don't listen to our intuition, we get ourselves into trouble. So, something's not right, something's not feeling right. I mean, what's nice is with the values work that I do, you can name it. It's like there, but some you just kind of know like something's something it's like an ick factor or something like that or a creep factor or something's bothering you about this person. So you have to trust that, you know.

Yeah. What I heard something that complements what you just said about trusting your gut, but in the positives land too. Like sometimes the guy might say you're a woman and you're with considering this guy and he maybe doesn't check all the boxes and maybe he doesn't look the part but you feel safe with him or you feel a sense of peace when you're with him. And that is like well one of the dating experts out there Logan Yuri she she says like listen to that too because if you're feeling that sense of safety and peace that could be a good that could be the signal that he might be the one for you. Right.

Right. I have a woman in her 40s and she met this guy through a conference and she says he's not my typical look. He's bald. He doesn't have hair. But she says but I really like being with him. And so I said, "Okay, well, you know, let's see where this goes." And it's kind of like Charlotte in Sex in the City. She ended up with I forgot his name, but he was bald and Yeah. Yeah. I actually thought that guy was quite attractive. I don't know. I have a a strange taste in men, but I was going to tell you I felt that way about my husband. Like he at first I didn't find him super attractive. He wasn't the typical guy I would have dated, but I just felt this sense of peace with him and I felt good around him and the attraction grew over time.

So yeah, I have the six signs you know it's the right person in my book and one is there's a feeling of home like you know this person and like when I met my hus when my husband and I had a couple of dates and stuff. I mean, he can make me laugh and then we did some silly stuff and and you know, I really feel he has a very similar background to me and we have similar families and from that standpoint, you know, there's a real feeling of comfort, but sometimes when there's this feeling of comfort and I don't know if you know about the AMGO stuff and when somebody is in. If you have a difficult parent, actually, if we're not conscious and we're not working consciously, we can be attracted to that person because we're trying to heal our relationships through the next person.

That's true.

And so, I ended up marrying one of my parents that I have a difficult relationship with. I won't say, but that was my first husband who was a little more controlling and he did stuff for me. And I like that, you know. I like when people do stuff for me, acts of service and and so he like checked all, you know, I don't know. It felt very comfortable for me and yet there was something there that I was not aware of and there was a controlling behavior and sometimes you don't see it because they're wolves in sheep's clothing basically.

Yeah, thanks for bringing that up. That's I guess is like the advice to listen to your gut if it's a good feeling and you haven't done your self-healing work yet to really understand yourself and your um parent like your relationship with your parents that comfort might not be the what you really need in a healthy relationship, right? Or set really good boundaries and know what you're getting yourself into and maybe and we can never assume, you know, so that person's never going to be a carbon copy of past, but they may bring some characteristics into.

True. Good point. Very good point. So, I know you you being a coach and having had all this experience, you've talked about values, you've talked about expectations, you've talked about signs. What about mindset shifts? Are there any good mindset shifts that you think can create the best chance for success?

Right. So, a lot of people come in with and I don't know what term you use, but you know the I was trained with gremlins or saboturs. So, sometimes we're not our 25 year old selves anymore. We may our 40s, 50s, 60s beyond. And so really is getting you focused on who you are and what you have to a relationship. And I have 70 year old women who are dating, you know, so you know if they could do it right. And I've had 50 year olds who've never been married and I had a 70-year-old never married and she was in a very nice significant relationship. So again, you're coming with this baggage. You're coming with this lens and it's like who wants me? And you know the I'm not lovable maybe gremlin or whatever you want to name it. It's not a positive thing.

So we have to reframe. And so I created something called the thrive model which keeps you focused on who you are like your talents and your heart and how you give to the world and and your interests and your values. You know how you give to the world and and who you are instead of the what nots. and somebody's going to appreciate you. And I do believe there's a lid for every pot. And you know, I find people of all persuasions, all ethnicities, all you know, races, all all nationalities, all heights. I get short men coming to me and they're like, "They don't want me. I'm not tall." I'm like there are plenty of women who are will want you know it's just I'm not you know I don't let I can't let them feed into that and so there is kind of a mindset short shift sometimes it's a scarcity mindset there aren't any good people out there and I'm like there are plenty of good people out there you just got to find them you know it's a timing issue and so I work with them on that and so with the online dating I mean, yes, you have to sift through lots of stuff and the scammers, but there are gems out there and there sweet men and women who really want relationships and I've seen it time and time again. And it's just recognizing it and giving that person a chance and setting some boundaries. So, you're not like going back and forth, back and forth messaging for a month or more, but you know, kind of calling. If a person is real, if a person really wants a relationship, they will show up in person.

Yes. So, you're you're saying like set a boundary to meet fairly quickly after you unless there's an extenuating circumstance. I'm going up to Europe with my grandchildren or I'm you know taking a class or I have a work thing and I'm not going to be done until what I'm going you know working on sometimes they're extenuating a health issues extend I call them external roadblocks some you know I've had clients who've had back surgery that was an external roadblock you know and had to work you know they were kind of out of commission for six months.

So then you say, "Well, why are they online?" Because they're lonely, you know? So it's kind of like people are out there. Sometimes they're not ready. Sometimes they're not available. And just like this guy with my client, he went, you know, he met her. I guess he met online and it looked like it was good and then all of a sudden it's like, "Oh, well, their goals weren't aligned. I'm taking a consulting job. It's gonna take up this much time. I'm gonna have to travel. You know, my client, that's not what she signed up for. And so that's what changes there. Sometimes people like their situation changes. I mean, I was dating a guy and goes, "Oh, you know, I'm going back to school for law school." I'm like, "What? No way. I'm not supporting somebody going back to law school." Was in my 30s. This was like I was, you know, I was 37 at the time. And I think he was pushing 40. I'm like, "That's great. I'm not going along for that ride."

Right. Yeah. It's good that you knew what you wanted and you set that boundary and you're like, "No, that's not for me." You know, things if circumstances change, you recognize that you don't have to be making trying so hard to make something work if it if the circumstances are

You know what? There's a flow. When it works, there's a flow. Both people want the relationship. I've seen it time and time again. So that's what we work towards. We work towards, I work towards making sure that my clients are making the most of their opportunities and and being aware of what their opportunities are.

Yeah, that's so cool. So what and you've worked with so many people what habits or behaviors tend to separate out the people who eventually find a great relationship from those who stay stuck?

It's interesting. You know what I just noticed? I noticed that the people who are responsive, if they're responsive to me, I know that they're going to be a good partner and I know I'm going to have a better chance of working with them and and they are going to be better with communicating with a potential partner. If I'm having trouble reaching somebody and they're like I you know I have people who fill out I have a form like get to know you know it's called get to know you form. It's just so I can have a deep nice conversation with you and then I'll follow up and say hey let's talk. I'll never hear back and it's like what's going on? I mean just let me know. You know I have a value like I don't care if you say I'm not available for a month but just let me know. I mean, if I'm going to reach out to you, so if they're doing this to me, they must be doing it to other people.

So, you're asking, it says someone who like shows interest, wants to learn, wants to better themselves, is open, willing to communicate their needs. I had a woman who, you know, for one reason or another, okay, so we had our coaching session at 5:00. Five o'clocks the time my husband texts me. My son wants the car. I mean, and my mother is like, "Where?" My I have a 95 year old mother, you know, when are you calling me? Okay. So she's like, "You're so diverted." I mean, you know, and I'm glad she told me.

Yes.

And I said, "You know what? We're coaching at a time which is difficult for me. Let's not coach at that time." And now we pick a time where I can focus on her and I don't have things pulling at me. So the good news is she communicated her needs to me. That's a relationship skill. And she wasn't afraid. I mean, yes, she's paying me and she wants to get her money's worth. Okay. I I appreciate that. And I I appreciate knowing and and working it out. And we ended up having a really wonderful, you know, coaching relationship because I was able to kind of meet her to her needs, but I needed to know. So, you need to tell somebody what you need, what what's important for you. And I help my clients express their expectations, you know, in a way.

And that's what I really bring to like the coaching. A lot of times my clients meet somebody and it's then what? Right? because there's no guarantee it's going to go towards a a more committed relationship. And you know, the smart people keep me. And I mean, I had a woman who she met this guy and he seemed great, but they had some issues. And I think it was a year and a half I was coaching her until she was practically engaged. And it was his sister that was a controlling person who was causing issues and she's like she needed me to to support her and I do couples coaching but she ended up using one of my colleagues to do the couples coaching with her partner and he was open to it. He was but you know after that they were golden you know but sometimes you got to work out the little kinks in the beginning there are things I call glitches and so you know sometimes I find out my clients didn't the relationship didn't move forward and I wish in a sense I wish I could have been there to support them through that maybe it would have had a different result maybe not but...

Yeah no I see. I know what you mean and I've only been in this realm of dating and helping people find you know what friendships or relationships in for like two years but even in the last two years I've seen it where dating isn't the finding the right person or the finding a person that you want to date it isn't the real the happy ending that like they show in the movies right like then the real work starts because I've seen a lot of a lot I've seen a few early relationships fall apart because of communication gaps and issue like early issues that could or external roadblocks. I mean I know relationships who have blew up because of the way she handled him in relation to his her grown children.

Yeah and you know things like moving in to somebody's house during the pandemic, you know, that was very close quarters and then it's how she treated his kids versus his her kids and how the kids treated him and you know everybody has to feel like they being respected and so eventually the relationship imploded. Yeah. So I do but I do believe that relationships are organic. They're either going to move forward or they're going to move apart. You know, there's there's that kind of thing. And some of them just kind of chug along and some of them are quick and some of them take time. So, you know, everybody's got their own pacing and there's, you know, it's you have to kind of look at all the factors. So, it's complicated. If it was easy, there would be a lot more people in relationships, right?

Not everybody wants a relationship so that's a choice you know there's certain age groups and you know I mean not everyone wants to be coupled so again you have to know yourself and know what you want and and I have people who come to me because they don't want to have any regrets I have a woman who was in her 50s never married and she said you know why I'm doing this because I don't want to live a life of regrets and what you know what the conclusion was I'm happy the way I If I meet someone, great. If not, and she's introverted, she's got her profession, she's got her friends, she doesn't have a high need. And then there are those of us who are more extra I'm extroverted. And I never see myself not in a relationship. I mean, maybe when I'm older, but at this point, I mean, I really like having a partner.

Yeah. Like I agree. Like I'm not out here trying to force people to into being in a couple. If somebody doesn't want to be in a couple, that's more power to them and I and I trust them to know themselves enough that they think that's the right choice for them. And no judgment here because I think there's pros and cons to both setups, right?

And there timing, you know, if you know you're not going to good be a good partner. there's a really cute guy who's in my, you know. I was in a bicycling group for singles and I kind of hang out and network and I know you know part of my community and things like that and I always run into this guy every time I go to this location where we go for dinner and listen to music and things he lives in that neighborhood I mean so he's very cute and anyway once once he had a little booth with his little like birding stuff and pictures and things and he does like these little crafts and stuff and he goes and I don't know I was talking to him. He goes, "You know, I'm not motivated." I'm like, "Yeah." And like he's happy just doing what but he shows up. He's friendly, but you know, then he gets to go home and recharge and whatever. I mean, it's kind of sad because he's a really cute guy, but you know, but that's his choice. That's his choice. you know, he like not to be cheesy with the name of my brand, but you fill your cup. There's other ways to fill your cup, right? It's not just about finding a partner. Although for those of us who are happy in relationships, we're very grateful that we found those people, right? So yeah, there's many ways to fill your cup. So Amy, before we close the episode, what else would you want you listeners to know or and where can listeners find you? Is there anything special you want to tell them about you and your service?

The best thing to do is is to go to my website, which is motivated to marry. And like I said, marriage is a choice. It's really about having healthy committed relationships. And I have a lot of information there. I have a blog. And I do have an email list where I send out a weekly newsletter with an article and some of the things and my workshops. I do have a virtual work different virtual workshops. And so if you want to learn more and you want to hang out with me and my community, you're more than welcome. And I have a YouTube channel. I think it's relationship coach Amy Shown. But all I can say is just you know be true to yourself and be true to others and just take the time to learn more and grow and and and if if this is something that you want if you want to find that special person then I have a very supportive community. It's not a big group of people. It's a small group of people and I do weekly what I call coaching club calls and we get on and I support them wherever they're at in their in their journey as well as you know working with clients individually. So it's a choice. Some people rather work one-on-one and some people really like the community and I have both men and women in my community so you get to hear both perspectives.

That's awesome. That's that's important too because I've seen singles have these stories about the other side, right? And those are not they're not helpful. They're not productive, right? So Amy, thank you so much for joining us and sharing your wisdom.

Thank you for having me.

Yeah, it was a pleasure and I feel like you added so much value for those who are interested in this topic which you know I find it super interesting. One of the things I appreciate the most about the conversation is the reminder that finding a meaningful relationship isn't just about finding the right person. It's also about understanding ourselves and examining the expectations that we carry and for creating space for that genuine connection. For those listening, I hope today's conversation encourages you to approach your dating journey with curiosity, openness, and self-compassion. meaningful relationships often begin with the relationship we have with ourselves.

Amy, thanks again for being here and thank you to all the listeners for spending time with us. If this episode resonated with you, be sure to share it with someone who might hearing it. Like and subscribe. And until next time, stay connected to yourself and others and keep filling your cup.