Event Stories: The Magic of Showing Up

Fernanda: Welcome back to Connectedness, the podcast where we explore what it means to build meaningful relationships in today's world. I'm Fernanda, your host, and today we're taking a little trip behind the scenes of one of my favorite things to do: hosting in-person events where people make friends, and who knows, maybe even find a life partner.

I'll be honest with you, hosting these events isn't always glamorous. There are awkward silences, unexpected surprises, and plenty of moments where I'm crossing my fingers hoping everyone shows up and feels comfortable. Time and time again, I've learned that the real magic happens when people step out of their routine, get a little vulnerable, and simply choose to show up. In this episode, I want to share some sweet moments, some awkward ones, and the big lessons I've learned about the beauty of connection.

Why do these events matter so much to me? We have apps for everything now—dating apps, friend apps, Facebook groups, and endless social media channels. But nothing beats real, human-to-human interaction where you look someone in the eye, feel their energy, and share a genuine laugh.

We actually have physiological responses when we're in the physical presence of another human being. In his book How to Know a Person, David Brooks talks about mirroring and how instinctive connection is when we're together in real time. Swiping on an app feels so transactional, judging someone on an unflattering photo or a hair choice, whereas sitting across from someone allows you to laugh together and find ease right away.

Seeing people walk out of my events as genuine friends brings me so much joy. That satisfaction is why I keep doing it, even with the inevitable pre-event anxiety about whether people will show up or leave disappointed.

Walking into a room full of strangers is naturally awkward, and almost everyone feels nervous at the start. Even the biggest extroverts get butterflies; I consider myself more on the extroverted side of the ambivert spectrum, and I still feel that discomfort in a brand-new room. But on the other side of that awkwardness is sweetness, because putting yourself out there opens the door to truly meeting someone.

At both our friend mixers and singles nights, the first touchpoint is the check-in table run by me or my friends Scott and Andrea. We always give people fun prompts for their name tags to break the ice immediately. The first time, we did a "leprechaun name" generator based on birth months and initials, but we change it up every time.

At a recent friend event, I asked everyone to write down their celebrity doppelgänger. I wrote "JLo" under my name—obviously just for laughs! A young guy came up completely stumped, so I looked at him and said he looked like a young Matthew McConaughey. When he blushed and said that was too much, I just smiled and told him, "Dream big!" That instantly broke the ice, and from then on, anyone who couldn't think of one got an automatic boost with names like Ryan Gosling or Beyoncé.

There are so many sweet coincidences and surprises at these gatherings. Back in February, two women who were assigned to the same table realized they already knew each other from a completely different context, which turned into a great chance to reconnect.

At that same event, a table of twenty-somethings hit it off so well that they went bar-hopping afterward and stayed up talking at someone's apartment until the early morning. They started a group chat, and a few weeks later, every single person from that table showed up to a Super Bowl party hosted by one of the members. A couple of months after that, I was at a street festival and ran into three young women who met at one of my events and were now regular festival buddies.

Just this past June, while I was setting up for an event, a woman at the bar complimented my lipstick. We started chatting, she had never heard of Filled Cups, and she ended up joining the event on the spot and walking away with a great new friend at her table.

My singles events have had their own cute moments, too. After one event, while people were lingering and chatting, a young guy rushed back over to me and said, "Fernanda, can I have that sheet of conversation questions?" He grabbed the paper and sprinted off to keep talking to a woman he had met.

During singles events, we also run an activity called "Human Bingo" to get everyone up and moving around the room. At the end of the game, we tell attendees to sit down at whichever table is closest to where they're standing. Usually, whoever they're talking to when the game ends is someone they feel comfortable with or have chemistry with, and the organic pairings that come out of that are always fascinating to watch.

No matter how much thought I put into a compatibility questionnaire, you can never truly predict chemistry. The magic is in the act of showing up. Signing up and walking through that door is a genuine act of courage, and I admire every single person who chooses to do it.

One young woman came to an event terrified that she lacked social skills and would be terrible at small talk, but she bonded deeply with her table and walked away with solid friends—a one-time customer who got exactly what she needed on her first try, which I love! To help conversations go deeper, I always provide thoughtful prompt cards at the tables, asking questions like, "What are you most excited about this year?" or, "Who was the biggest influence on you growing up?" Vulnerability creates space for authenticity, and asking the right questions helps people skip the superficial chatter and reach real connection much faster.

Hosting these events has taught me so much. Vulnerability completely shifts the energy in a room when people arrive ready to connect. I've also learned that surface looks and life circumstances have very little to do with who truly bonds, and people often form deep friendships with attendees they might never have expected to connect with.

A lot of times, groups don't even end up needing my planned games or icebreakers—they just dive straight into conversation on their own, which is the best outcome I could ask for. Humor remains the ultimate social bridge, because sharing a laugh over a silly game instantly dissolves tension.

Every time you attend an event solo, you are exercising a muscle of courage and openness. Even at our singles events, when a romantic connection doesn't spark, people regularly walk away with fantastic new platonic friends. Having someone new to go to the movies with, visit the farmers market with, or have deep conversations with is a massive win.

Don't stay home isolated behind a screen waiting for the "perfect" time to put yourself out there. Connection begins the moment we step outside of our comfort zones. If you've been waiting for a sign or a gentle nudge to try something new, let this be it.

Thank you so much for joining me today on Connectedness. If these behind-the-scenes stories encouraged you, share this episode with a friend who might need a little bravery boost, and if you're local, I'd love to see you at an upcoming event!