Breaking the Silence on Maternal Mental Health | Crystal of Rotten Lemons

Fernanda: Welcome to the Connectedness podcast. I'm Fernanda, your host and the founder of Filled Cups.

As usual, I love bringing on guests to have authentic conversations, learn about their journeys, and see what we can discover about ourselves so we can stay connected. Today, I'm joined by Crystal.

Crystal, welcome! Thank you for joining me. Please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about what you're up to these days.

Crystal: Thank you so much, Fernanda. I am Crystal Durham, the owner, CEO, and founder of Rotten Lemons.

Rotten Lemons is an organization that supports maternal mental health. However, it is not exclusive to moms—all women are welcome to come and use this safe space to unload, take off their cape, and be empowered by like-minded women who share similar life experiences.

Fernanda: I remember when we first met at a networking event, and you shared the story behind why you started Rotten Lemons. Would you mind sharing that backstory and your "why" with our listeners?

Crystal: Absolutely. I am a mom of four. With my first two children—whom I jokingly call my "Old Testament" kids—everything was by the book. I had two hands and two kids; I was rocking it and felt great.

Fast-forward to baby number three: it was a rough pregnancy. We almost didn't make it, but thankfully things worked out and my daughter arrived healthy. Shortly after, I had baby number four.

At first, everything seemed fine, but by month three, he developed serious health challenges that turned our world upside down. Suddenly, I had a toddler, a medically fragile infant, unresolved emotional trauma from my previous pregnancy, and our family routine to navigate, all while trying to stay present for my older two.

My husband is in law enforcement, and it was simply overwhelming. One evening, after a long day in leadership, I went into my room, pulled out my phone, and posted on social media that I just wanted to check into a hospital, be served Jell-O, and have people ask me if I needed anything.

That post sparked an overwhelming response. Some people worried it was an extreme crisis or depression.

It revealed two things: first, that many in my immediate circle didn't realize how deeply motherhood can interrupt your life and bring trauma. They apologized and began stepping up.

Second, it revealed a vast community of moms who felt the exact same way but didn't know where or how to say it. One mom told me, "I have so many things to say; I just don't have the space to say them."

It clicked: we just need space. Rotten Lemons is a play on the phrase "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade." On motivational art, you always see plump, glossy lemons. But life doesn't always hand us perfect fruit—sometimes life throws us bruised, rotten lemons.

The question is: What do you do with the imperfect situations, the trauma, and the unexpected challenges that life throws our way? To clarify, the lemons aren't our children or our spouses; they are the overwhelming life circumstances that catch us off guard.

Where do you go when you don't fit into a clinical crisis checklist—you're not in an abusive home or battling addiction—but you just need a place to unload? Rotten Lemons is like AA meets girl time.

Fernanda: I love that description. Your organization is called Rotten Lemons because it addresses what happens when life gets tough, while Filled Cups is about replenishing ourselves emotionally so we can show up whole. Addressing those tough situations is how our cups get filled in the first place.

Crystal: Exactly. It’s all about perspective shifts and creating emotional capacity so life's curveballs don't keep piling up.

When things pile up unchecked, we see mental health crises. There are rising rates of severe depression, mothers leaving the workforce, and tragic mental breaks.

Women contribute massively to society by nurturing the next generation and sustaining community life. Why aren't there more preventative resources before moms hit a crisis point?

Rotten Lemons works to bridge that gap through grassroots advocacy: speaking with local leaders, building community partnerships across Charlotte and Union County, and hosting meetups where moms don't have to carry any burden. When you come to a meetup, the table is set, food is provided, and you have a physical lemon as a talking piece. You just come and breathe.

Fernanda: Motherhood was and continues to be the hardest job I've ever had. Raising my older two in my twenties as a single mom while dealing with an unsupportive partner struggling with alcoholism was filled with rotten lemons.

Having a supportive husband the second time around with my ten-year-old made a world of difference. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, which is why having spaces to address the hard stuff is so crucial.

You've been hosting these monthly meetups for nearly two years now. What patterns do you notice among the women who attend?

Crystal: We host these meetups monthly at the Dickerson Community Center in Monroe. Demographically, our attendees range from their thirties up to women in their sixties—my own mother even attends.

We serve moms from all walks of life, including an unhoused mother for whom this is a vital positive outlet, as well as grandmothers and empty nesters who have lost their sense of community.

Older moms often navigate new boundaries as their adult children start their own families. Meanwhile, moms in their thirties to fifties are balancing careers and family life, constantly grappling with self-care guilt.

They struggle to invest in themselves without feeling like they are taking away from their children. Many also lack local family support, especially in a growing hub like Charlotte where so many people have relocated away from extended relatives.

Fernanda: Making friends as an adult takes intentionality, vulnerability, and repeated contact. When you're an exhausted mom with no safety net, creating that network feels nearly impossible.

Crystal: It really does, especially when trust is hard to build. When I see stressed, overwhelmed moms at the grocery store or the library, I don't approach them as a founder—I approach them mom-to-mom.

I offer my number and send a quick text later: "Just checking in. Hope dinner went smoothly—I don't need anything from you."

People are often on guard, wondering what someone wants from them. Rotten Lemons exists to remove that pressure: we don't want anything from you; we just want you to be okay.

Fernanda: Are women usually hesitant to open up when they first arrive, or are they ready to share?

Crystal: There is often initial hesitation, especially if someone came through an outside referral. But once two or three women share vulnerably, the guard drops.

Women open up about navigating divorce, strains with their children, addiction recovery, or feeling uncomfortable in female friendships. Because nobody is selling anything or demanding commitments, it feels safe.

You can show up, unload everything you're carrying, have some dessert, receive support and Kleenex, and leave. You don't even have to come back if you don't want to.

Our community also extends beyond the room. Just recently, a mom needed a car jump in Monroe; we coordinated through our network and got her taken care of immediately. We show up however people need us.

Fernanda: That practical support is invaluable. Where do your meetups take place, and how can people support the organization?

Crystal: We currently partner with Monroe Parks and Recreation to meet at the Dickerson Community Center off North Johnson Street. We are actively looking for a partner space in Charlotte so we can host monthly gatherings there as well.

We operate entirely on donations and personal funds. Anyone who wants to support our work can visit rottenlemons.org and donate.

Those funds cover food, resources, and emergency needs like gas cards for working moms. Our core mission is simply helping moms protect their mental health.

Fernanda: For the moms in your community who are partnered, do they often feel supported at home, or does navigating shared responsibilities create tension?

Crystal: It's about half and half. Some husbands actively encourage their wives to attend because they recognize she needs an outlet.

Other women feel misunderstood and struggle to communicate their needs. We remind them to put their own oxygen mask on first.

If you wait for permission to care for yourself, it won't happen. You have to recognize your own worth, set healthy boundaries, and take the break you need. Once you prioritize yourself, your partner and family begin to adapt.

Fernanda: As a former single mother, child care was always my biggest barrier to getting time away. How do you handle child care during meetups?

Crystal: My sixteen-year-old daughter acts as our official Rotten Lemons babysitter. The Dickerson Center sits right on park grounds, so when weather permits, moms who have no other option can bring their kids.

My daughter takes them outside to the playground or the gym. It gives the moms two uninterrupted hours to focus on themselves while knowing their kids are safe nearby.

Our golden rule at the table is: moms eat first. Moms deserve to be prioritized.

Fernanda: That removes a massive barrier. Before we wrap up, where can listeners connect with you, attend an event, or access your resources?

Crystal: You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at @not2rotten.

Our meetups take place every fourth Saturday of the month from 1:00 PM to 3:00 PM at the Dickerson Community Center in Monroe. We are also hosting a free community Mental Health and Self-Care Fair on May 23rd—vendors can reach out to us at [email protected].

Most importantly, if you are a mom looking for guidance, visit rottenlemons.org and complete our mental health assessment. My team will review it and connect you directly with local therapists, doulas, lactation consultants, or community resources that fit your specific needs.

Fernanda: That assessment is a fantastic resource. Crystal, thank you so much for joining us and sharing your mission.

To everyone listening: if this conversation resonated with you, please share it with another mom who might need this reminder. Be sure to check out Rotten Lemons, subscribe to Connectedness, and we will see you next time!