Adult ADHD Diagnosis: How It Rewires Your Relationships and Self-Worth

Fernanda: Hey everyone, welcome back to Connectedness. I'm so glad you're here today because we're talking about something that touches so many of us whether we realize it or not and that's how ADHD shapes the way that we connect with the people around us and the way that we see ourselves. My guest today is Kathleen Long, an ADHD life coach and the founder of Coached by Kath LLC. Kathleen brings over 20 years of experience in education into her coaching. But what makes her work so powerful is that she's not just teaching from theory. She was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult herself. And that lived experience shapes everything about how she supports the people that she works with.

Kathleen coaches adults, teens, and entire families. And she specializes in emotional intelligence and stress management. She's a national board certified teacher. She's completed trauma insight certification through NAM NAMI and she's an advocate to for find the ADHD girls, an organization close to her heart. She recently spoke at the ADHD Transition Summit and she's someone who truly understands what it feels like to spend years thinking something is wrong with you only to find out your brain is just working differently.

I wanted to have Kathleen on because connection starts with understanding ourselves and for so many people with ADHD that self-standing got delayed or distorted along the way. Today we're going to talk about how that shows up in relationships in self-esteem and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are. Kathleen, welcome to the show. So happy you're here.

Kathleen: Thank you. Hi Fernanda. So happy to be here.

Fernanda: Thanks. So, let's start with your story. What was it like realizing as an adult that you had ADHD after 20 years in education working with kids? Did anything click into place looking back?

Kathleen: So many things clicked into place. Yes. So I started teaching at 21. I didn't find out I had ADHD until I was 41.

Fernanda: Wow.

Kathleen: And then left teaching at 43. So it definitely was. 20 years as a teacher and then my time as a student was... it all makes sense you know and well I shouldn't say all a lot of things make sense just basically how I was even treating like the students that were diagnosed with ADHD or showing the signs and symptoms and traits and things like that. So that's part of where the journey began for me, like just being, I think once I was diagnosed, had a better understanding, continue to take better care of myself. Like life just slowed down a little bit more and made sense. And I was like, "All right, I need to do what I love doing, which is helping people and advocating for them, but kind of on my own terms."

Fernanda: Right. Don't they say like people with ADHD, they just go ahead and start a business?

Kathleen: Yes.

Fernanda: instead of just like taking a nap, right? I actually like, I think I don't know the stats, but I heard and it's real from what I see in in the wild like there's a much larger portion of entrepreneurs that have ADHD compared to people in W2 jobs.

Kathleen: Right.

Fernanda: Right.

Kathleen: Yeah. Correct. And that made me feel better in a way because I was like, "Oh, I guess this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing."

Fernanda: Yes.

Kathleen: A lot of people definitely thought, you know, people already thought I was a little, you know, I don't know, out there, outgoing, but just doing that, leaving like a stable career, but there were a lot of reasons behind that, too. And we can, you know, dive into all that because relationships with students, with parents, bosses, colleagues, you know, friendships, it all kind of ties into making more sense, you know, decades later.

Fernanda: Yeah. So, a lot of people describe the adult diagnosis moment as bittersweet, a relief mixed with grief for the years where they were before they had the language for what they were experiencing. Did you feel that too? And what did that grief look like for you if so?

Kathleen: So, yeah, I can definitely relate to that. I will say what was tough was it's kind of like a one-two punch. I went one year and was trying to advocate for myself and was just told like, "Oh, this is just anxiety" and then was just given Alexa Pro script and was like, okay, yes, this could be anxiety now but I, you know, there's more like I know now too if you exhibit symptoms for a certain amount." I was like, "Okay." So, I just continued, you know, take care of myself, keep learning. And then when I went back the following year and said all those things like I'm doing all these things for myself. I'm learning more like no this isn't just anxiety then it happened and got the diagnosis and happy about that. But yes like thinking back and like wow if I knew sooner or if people understood me better or I didn't get as emotional.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: But also I think you know everybody's different. I don't like to dwell. Like there's really nothing I can do about it except make it better. And I want to be a good example for other people who do get diagnosed late. You know, yeah, literally nothing I can change about what happened in the past. I can only do better and teach people and coach and I don't know, just keep learning and figuring it out from from there.

But definitely there's been some moments like, "Oh, that's why I drove that boss crazy." Or "oh yeah, I did cry a lot if my dad saw I had a bunch of mistakes in my math homework" and got very dramatic and what I was called, you know, dramatic or like in a relationships, you know, like that you're so sensitive or you're too sensitive and then that would just like I would spiral, you know, so like the emotional, if anything, I wish I knew more about the emotional des regulation, if you will, and how to handle that. That's kind of what I grieved. A lot of fights, a lot of bad, you know, bad incidents of just like exploding or being really upset, you know, whether it be on the soccer field as a kid or, you know, with an old boyfriend or with family, you know. So, that would be, you know, grieving some time that was spent very upset, you know, and not really understanding it.

Fernanda: So, taking a sidebar here real quick. So, there's a couple of things from what you said. One actually like maybe three follow-ups to what you said.

Kathleen: Okay. Theresa, I love it. That that sounds exactly like how my brain works.

Fernanda: So one is a lot of people that I've met in who have ADHD in my circle, including my daughter, had been misdiagnosed prior to the actual diagnosis, especially women. So like for example, your example about being diagnosed with with anxiety first and then going back a year later and you're like nope yeah it's ADHD. That did happen with my daughter. She was diagnosed with anxiety depression and then and no ADHD. She was tested for it but they said no.

And then later four years later it came back. She went to a different provider and sure enough she had really really strong like inattentive ADHD and then there's comorbidities right like anxiety and depression might be the top comorbidities with ADHD I learned that the hard way.

Kathleen: Oh yeah and like mood disorders and things that all tie in.

Fernanda: Yeah and then the thing you said about sensitivity is a lot of people with ADHD have something called rejection sensitivity, right?

Kathleen: Rejection sensitive dysphoria. RSD. Yeah. The perceived or true or perceived rejection and then how you're reacting to it. Yeah.

Fernanda: Yeah. I didn't do well with constructive criticism and things like that or perceived criticism. So, yeah, that's definitely something that went along with everything I was saying.

Kathleen: Yeah.

Fernanda: And I also see that with my daughter. And then the other thing, the third thing I was going to say is you're right. There's nothing you can do about the past, right? You can't change the past, but one thing you can do, which is you're doing already, is using your platform to educate others so that maybe people can catch these things sooner or challenge a false negative, right? Like if somebody says, "Oh, yeah, I got tested for ADHD, but they said I didn't have it." You know, sometimes that could be a false, am I saying this right? It's a false negative or I don't know.

Kathleen: I'm not sure. I mean, I don't know exactly if that's it, but I agree. Like that's one of my first client that's what happened like and she had the anxiety medicine and it was that was making her worse and we talked through it and then she went and I don't test or diagnose people. I just help them, you know, get the help that they need to get what they need. And she thought so many things have changed for her since she got the late diagnosis in her 30s and stopped taking the anxiety medicine. The anxiety medicine was making her worse and making her just so unhappy. So yeah, it is important to and yes, I'm absolutely sure I have anxiety, but the main issue for me since I was a little girl is the ADHD and you know.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: So yeah, thank you for, you know, sharing all that about your daughter because that's the whole point like going back and figuring it out and it changes throughout women a lot, you know, puberty and then hormones, menopause, menopause, you know, child birth, postpartum, that is overwhelming for a lot of women and that's the more I learn that the more I hear about that.

Fernanda: Wow.

Kathleen: I can only speak to certain parts of my life and that but still like hearing all the stories and listening to everybody is like...

Fernanda: Right. Right.

Kathleen: It's a lot.

Fernanda: Well, so thank you for that. But your site, it talks about people feeling exhausted from masking. Can you explain what masking looks like daytoday and how it wears on somebody over time?

Kathleen: So, I guess it would look differently, you know, with everybody, but it's, you know, not literally, you know, putting on a mask, but that's what it feels like. Acting a certain way, behaving a certain way, talking a certain way to cover up your ADHD traits or symptoms that you might, whether real or imagine, perceive are not socially acceptable or not cute or funny or maybe professionally you have to like really work go so hard and be someone you're really not or behave in a certain way. And yeah, you're pretending to be someone else and it's emotionally exhausting, physically exhausting, mentally, you know, and it's yeah, and it takes it takes a toll. And you know, and I think people do it in their in their families and their jobs and their relationships and their friendships.

That's something I talked about in that summit, like, and I know you know professionally too, like you have to be around the right people or you're going to burn yourself out one way or the other. You can't be who you really are as long as who you are is, you know, safe and try doing the right thing morally then you need to, I don't know, take a take a breath evaluate how you're behaving and or maybe like how you behave or how you interact with certain people like, you know. I have a hard time I think something with that I would say is like what I find for myself is like no happy medium I would either like mask like crazy or just be like absolutely not and just you know be who I was and you know that happened a little more as I got older but sometimes even like you know ripping off the mask and being like "well this is it" some people don't like that but oh well I think that's where I'm comfortable so I don't know unmasking is exhausting.

Fernanda: So yeah let's spend, the next few questions are all about ADHD and relationships and I know you kind of touched upon some a little bit earlier, but I'm going to be asking you about romantic partners and friendships, like how does ADHD tend to show up in romantic relationships? Like what are some patterns that you see most often with the clients that you coach?

Kathleen: So my range of coaching is different from a, you know, completely petrified young lady to even speak to boys because she's afraid you know she's already in her head about what she's going to say and then doesn't say anything you know or someone who's in like a very healthy safe marriage but is always just so worried about everything else that it's almost like she neglects this wonderful, you know, husband or like not neglect but like forgets just like wow, you can just relax with him, you know. We just talking romantic now.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: And I would say on my end, I'm not, you know, I'm as single as a dollar bill, independently owned and operated, whatever you want to call it. But I know from past experiences that I was. I would take like a "okay, well, I'm busy." like "I can't do that right now" be like "Oh my god", like you know "he's doesn't like me anymore." Or I would be like, "Go, please talk to me." Or be like, "Forget it. I'm never talking to him again." kind of thing like that. No happy medium there, you know. And just I think and again, everybody's different. But I would say the emotional dysregulation and if you throw in, you know, couples tend to, a lot of couples tend to drink together, you know, so if there's drinking and heightened emotions or if there's, you know, distance and you misread, you know, a text message and the tone of it, you know, fighting and again, every couple is different, but I'm not an expert in this field, but I know from if I had it all to do over again In certain relationships, it makes a lot more sense now.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: And a past partner of mine, I'm again not a doctor. I am pretty sure that he also, at the time, we were both unmedicated, undiagnosed ADHD people. I'm surprised the roof didn't blow off that place, you know, because we both were just not in the right, you know, a lot of anxiety, a lot of big emotions, and just not not dealing with things because we didn't know. And now I know, and I'm so happy to be out of that relationship, but that's a whole other podcast. Yes. But I've learned a lot from like my behavior and like that's why I want to help people too, you know, showing appreciation or getting out of something. I think too with the attachment sometimes you get really attached and with the rejection and you're stay in something too long or you push away something that could be really good because you're like not I don't know you're not either understanding their emotions or yours, you know, everybody's situation's different

Fernanda: Right like and I imagine time blindness forgetfulness or emotional intensity those could get misread if a partner not doing.

Kathleen: If you're one of those people that doesn't, you know, like to do your chores, you know, or you forget the date night, you know, that could be part of it, too. That was never me, but I know in other, you know, in other partners. Or yeah the time blindness is like or if you're the opposite like where you kind of hyperfocus and that's why you forgot to go somewhere or do something not because you were doom scrolling on your phone you know that's what I mean by like it's everybody's situation and how they behave with it is different

Fernanda: Part of it I think I'm imagining that if you're working with let's say you're working with a family or a couple you can help with the education right about so that the partner who the partner to the ADHD person can understand more of how those things are manifesting, right?

Kathleen: Yes, like even like losing, you know, losing things and belongings and thinking like, oh, you're so irresponsible, but like you have like object impermanence, like if you don't see something, you do forget where it is and things like that. Yeah. kind of give any like that's and that's a big part of it too whether it's a couple or with a child like, yes teaching coaching on how to I always teaching it's still stuck in my head but it is teaching and coaching giving grace but also for the person with ADHD or even the other like don't use it as an excuse like you can't just say oh it's because I have ADHD like some people just do that and like everything they use that and I'm like don't do it.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: You know, I don't know if you have ever had that experience. You can't, you have to I would say learn and figure it out a little bit first before you just blindly say, "Oh, it's because of my ADHD."

Fernanda: Or at least I mean, and I'm not the expert on this at all, Kathleen. I'm just talking about like I do have a couple of friends whose one of the woman has pretty bad ADHD and then the husband does not. And so what I've observed in them is that they've learned a system to support the things that she struggles with. Like they set up reminder systems and like where where to find the key systems.

Kathleen: Yeah. like designated spots and like there has to be like task management and a lot of visuals and I use my you know Alexa like the reminders to hear them to see them things are dinging and calendars everywhere.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: Yes. And that is true, if you have someone who can be, you know, patient with you because that's it. And sometimes people run out of patience or you just get tired if you're the person with it. You get tired of feeling like you're being treated like a child, you know, even if you're trying your best and that's still not good enough. And yeah, it's really about like communication. And that's where like why I also got the emotional intelligence certification because the first part in the program is like awareness. If you're not aware of how your behavior is affecting you and others, like that's step one in the program. And then like comprehending how your behavior is affecting others, regulating yourself, and then doing something about it.

Fernanda: Yes.

Kathleen: Yeah. And that could be a longer process for some than others.

Fernanda: Oh, good.

Kathleen: Yeah. And I've done it with a lot of couples. It's very interesting. It makes sense when they take the test and then you put them together and it's like now you can see it.

Fernanda: So you're saving you're just saving marriages out there.

Kathleen: Oh boy. Yeah. Maybe one day I'll have my own. Yeah. We we'll see. We'll see what I learned from all this.

Fernanda: So like what about friendships? Does ADHD change the way someone builds or maintains friendships over the years?

Kathleen: And I think so. And I think I know from everything you talk about too like adult friendships can be tough and moving. I was listening to one of the podcast where you said how you know you moved and you didn't have friends and you kept trying and that can be hard when it comes to that emotional just it might be just easier just to stay home you know.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: Or you know, you might have this expectation when you go out that you are going to make a really great friend and then you don't and then you're in your head like was that me? Or like I laugh about this with one of my younger clients like she's so quiet and as everybody knows like I never stop talking but sometimes you talk because you're nervous or you just talk a lot because you're excited and some people might not like that or you know the quiet person is like oh I wanted to come here and try and talk and she'd never shut up or you know the talkative person is like oh my god this person's I'm not saying a word. This is so awkward. You know, it's really hard. It feels like, in the cafeteria, you're trying to find someone to sit with and you know, or like finding a spot with someone on the bus. It's still like feel sometimes like those networking events, not the one that I went to for you, but it feels like that like can I go up to this person? Like are they going to talk to me?

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: And I don't know. I think with friendships and it depends. It really does change and it goes along with the emotional intelligence too. Like I've come to realize, you know, not trying to talk badly about any of my friends, but I there's one that comes to mind that I'm like, this person really is not aware of how their lack of effort or their just things that they say is hurtful, you know, and I've taken time to process it, too. And I'm like, no, this isn't me like overreacting like that's insensitive.

Fernanda: Yeah. Like, you know, it can be hard to make that distinction for sure.

Kathleen: Yes. And I will 100% say that and you can't just fly off the handle but if it's somebody who's important to you and there's like a disconnect but not everybody wants to, can put that effort in. But I think too like and I also then I'm going to go back to like this is not everybody but drinking and having anxiety and ADHD and depression and it causes a lot of problems you know and I think in my time that's something I've realized too pulling back on. Yes you can still be social you know but that doesn't mean it has to get out of hand.

Fernanda: Like the alcohol can make things worse is what you're saying?

Kathleen: Correct. Yes. Or like some people can't like function without it so they won't go do something different like I don't know like that's something that I've seen too or like they'll be bored or they'll automatically say no because it's not like a big like drinking.

Fernanda: Yeah. I got you. So you work with people who feel like everyone else got a manual that they never received. How does that feeling of being fundamentally different from other people affect someone's self-esteem over time?

Kathleen: Yeah, I've definitely seen that. My youngest client's 12 and the oldest one's in their 70s. So, it's a big span, but it the common theme is like that they're not good enough or like people don't like me or people don't understand me or I don't understand why they're upset with me or I apologize and they still are mad at me or or like again the perception of like everybody can forget to respond to a text message and then you really like take that to heart and you know it really is self-worth. It's self-love. You know, you're again, everybody's different, male, female, your ages, the situation. But absolutely, like the theme is like no matter what I, you know, no matter what I do, it's not enough. Or I did this and they didn't appreciate it. Or I showed up for them, they didn't show up for me.

The whole it's just never enough or it's like I'm trying to be myself and they just don't like me or I'm exhausted trying to pretend like I want to do this and you know so I avoid them or the situation I've really I've really seen a lot of it in a in a range family and friends and rel and work too you know like I really I try with this person but they just don't like me or they're targeting me or you, it hurts my heart. Like I thought, you know, leaving. I always said like with leaving teaching like the cost of caring hurts, you know, it really does like you really care about the kids and the families and doing this I have, you know, not as many, but it's still it's like my heart and I want to help, but I have to be because that's kind of the thing. This is the extremes like you have to be careful you don't give too much of yourself whether it be the coach or the client or hide away and be afraid to give anything. But I've seen that too like some days like they're like nah I'm not talking or I'm not responding to this text or this email with her either. But that's my job you know that's like the partnership like advocacy and accountability and like "oh I'm gonna get you".

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: I told one of my clients I was sending them something. I was like, "I'm going to put myself in a box and mail myself to you." I see some people in person, but some over Zoom. And I said, "Just be careful. I might come pop out of that box. You can't hide from me for that long." And they were like, "Oh, God."

Fernanda: That's funny because I do have a, this is actually really sad in in my opinion. I get my heart goes out to everyone who had ADHD or has ADHD and that impacted their sense of self-worth because once I learned about this a few a couple of years ago I was reading I read a lot of those really great ADHD books like ADHD 2.0 know and there's a a bunch of really good scattered and stalled like some really great books and one of them or a few of them said you know the people the folks with ADHD end up having a a pretty harmed sense of self and I don't know if I'm using the right words but it's because of all the negative feedback that they've gotten over the years they just because of the symptoms they end up getting a larger quantity of that negative feedback and so that that you know it it takes a compounding effect over time.

Kathleen: Sure. And you put that like you said before like comorbidities or if you have some trauma in your life or you know not everybody has that supportive family or friends or job.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: I know we've talked about a few of these things. It's like that feeling of like I'm not good enough or even when it comes to I will say for me like with sports like soccer was my life but if I didn't play well or I felt like a teammate was mad at me or the coach it was awful and then like when I stopped playing because that was something I felt like I was great at. I felt like I lost that part of my identity and then you turn, you know, undiagnosed, untreated. ADHD can lead to like substance abuse, suicide, you know, fast driving, promiscuity, like things that just people just go for those dopamine hits and, you know, abusive relationships, things like that and you're thinking, I'm not good enough, so I'm going to go do this or, you know, this person doesn't love me, so I'm going to go be with this person instead. Like again emot the emotional piece if I could take if I can have it all back and just have a little clearer picture of that. I feel like my life that's the part that I grieve so much time like wasted being like frustrated, angry, sad. Or like the f it, you know, like because that's not good either. Just saying like forget them or forget this.

Fernanda: Right. Mhm. Have you seen or been a part of effective methods for restoring a person's self-worth and self-esteem, self-love with ADHD?

Kathleen: Yeah. And I think that comes to like what you were saying in the beginning like my own lived experience like and don't get me wrong I did have a great I grew up I had a good life. I had a good you know I have a good family and I'm blessed but things weren't perfect. So I just know from some low experiences and I'm going to say too you know not everybody's into therapy but my therapist is amazing. So yes might not be for everyone but even just like a couple sessions I don't know. And I know through coaching like one of the things we do is like a strengths assessment and there's so many out there like it but some people don't do that for their job or anything or have ever thought to do that.

Just really finding out, it's so it's so important like there are so many different ways to go about it and everybody's situation is different but I think like it's not an overnight thing either. You know, you might like that's It is a journey and it might take different people, different professionals, different like I think too for me like one of the things was like learning to be alone with myself like the whole like you know loving yourself, dating yourself like I'm okay with it. I used to not be, you know, because you find things that are wrong or things that are not done correctly. Like I don't know. It's a whole a whole thing. But I think you just have to learn to love yourself. Whether that be, you know, I'm not super religious, but maybe for some people it's more church or more prayer or I got really into not only therapy, but meditation and journaling, you know, you should exercise and sunshine. It's your diet. Like, you know, there's there are a lot of pieces, but you know, taking care of yourself.

Fernanda: It really is.

Kathleen: Yeah. Self-care. Like my last teammate that I had, we would call it like, you know, we were our school mascot. We were the bears and we were like the self-care bears because you have to take care of yourself. You can't, you know, whether it's corporate or it's teaching, you can't put your drain yourself so much, you know, you have nothing left. So, it's it's not healthy, you know.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: On top of any other things you have going on, you know,

Fernanda: But can't pour from the empty cup, right?

Kathleen: Yes.

Fernanda: Thank you for that. Like, you talked about therapy and I had a question in here about unlearning the shame and actually building a relationship with your own brain instead of fighting it. Is that mostly how you've been unlearned it? Like was it through therapy or so?

Kathleen: And thank you for saying that because you just made me think of another resource through okay Anami the National Alliance on Mental Illness and here in Charlotte they have their navigator center in Southoun. I went to there's neurode divergent support groups

Fernanda: Nice.

Kathleen: And I went and one of the topics was shame and I wasn't really quite clear like you know I know what it means but I was you know listening to the other people and so that's something too like there are support groups whether in person or virtual and that was amazing that's I've never done anything like that in my life and I went to a few and hearing people and like this the way they were pouring their heart out and you know you learn learn from others who have been through it so that's like that's another thing so say can ask me that question again. When you when you said shame, it brought me to the support group.

Fernanda: Actually, I'm really glad you brought that up. It was basically like how did you or how does somebody go about unlearning the shame associated with having a neurody divergence. And I was just wondering if it was through therapy, but you just brought up the support group. That sounds amazing, you know.

Kathleen: Yeah. And and then there's there's so many. So, I would say yes, the therapy and then like honestly it's and this has been a process. It's really been for me over the past five or so years, but therapy, taking better care of myself, like advocating for myself. And I'm not some big exercise guru. I don't eat this perfect diet. Like, yes, I love my red wine, but like I'm not go, you know, like smaller things like what atomic habits like, right? 1% better every day, you know, and just that's what it took like and I love I do a lot like with journaling a lot of people are like, "Oh, I can't just write." So, I use a lot of journals from Vex King and there's a lot of prompts and questions and like one of the things is like evaluating like your vibe or like how you feeling and did you exercise? Did you do something spiritual? Did you see a friend? You know, and gives you prompts on like what's the what's the nicest thing that you've ever done for someone? What's the nicest thing someone's ever done for you? Like gives you the questions so you're not just like I don't know what to write. I'm going to write my grocery list. You know, because not everybody can think like that. So I needed those prompts and I have one behind me I have to start.

Fernanda: Like I love prompted journals. Can you share?

Kathleen: Yeah. So, it's this one's called deep meaningful conversations with yourself. I've done one. It's called um he has another one called like a self self-help like the best self-help book is written by you and then his second one was a manifestation one. So, I finished that and really manifested this new life I feel like and put the work into it. But then this is the next one. Yeah, so he's on Instagram. Him and his wife make these. It's like the rising circle. So, I don't know. These have been really great for me. I started it back like if you look at the ones from like 2023 2024, it's like I got to get out of this career, you know? I need to figure this out. I need to do this, you know. So the prompts definitely help you know and then there's like they give like little exercises and things to do of things like positive things to look for and you know or seek out in the day to like slow down or try your best to slow down.

Fernanda: Yes. So, if someone is listening right now and recognizing themselves or someone they love in everything that we've talked about, what would you want them to do first?

Kathleen: What would I want them to do first? I would want them to just take a deep breath. You know, make sure you're in a a safe space and just know that you're not alone. know that even if it's not me, there are, you know, so many people or so much information out there, you know, whether it be you start with, you know, Tik Tok or YouTube or, you know, whatever it is where most people go like just don't don't think that you're alone and just the tiniest little thing like if there's something you were looking into like or wanting to research like research it.

If there was that person you wanted to talk to, go talk to them. If you wanted to go back to church, like go or try like just try something different, you know, and it's going to be okay. Like you're not doing anything wrong by being who you are, you know? Like and if you're around people you feel like you can't be yourself or you're working in a place where you don't feel good, then you need to. Basically take small steps to make it better. That's that's really the simplest thing. You know, might not sound simple, but yeah, it's worth a shot, right? Why stay stuck? That's why my logo is the lotus, like rise from the mud and bloom into something beautiful.

Fernanda: Yes. I love that. So, where can people find you?

Kathleen: Okay. Everywhere. Uh, My website is coachedbykath.com. I'm on Instagram at ADHD Coachkath. Same for Tik Tok and YouTube. And then I'm on LinkedIn, you know, the grown-up site, Kathleen M. Long. Yeah. And just at all the Charlotte networking events where I meet all these wonderful people.

Fernanda: Yeah. Nice.

Kathleen: Or working my tail off, trying not to be, you know, working too hard, trying to remember to like have life and see nice people.

Fernanda: Yes.

Kathleen: And take and practice what I preach. So, yeah.

Fernanda: Exactly. Taking care of yourself. And like if somebody listens to this and they want to work with you, you do online and in person or.

Kathleen: Mostly online for people I do not know. Like so it's if somebody who I don't know wanted to meet in the coffee shop first kind of thing you know like I primarily but I'm not going to just bring my it's my home office so I'm not just going to bring strangers into my home but yeah I do a free complimentary 30 minute call usually with all this talking it winds up being more than that but I genuinely just want to help. Like if you just really need someone to talk to I'm here. You can't afford it right now that's okay. Need a payment plan? Like I work with people because I know like as a little girl, as a teenager, 20s, 30s, I needed someone like me. Like that's what I hear from people like where were you for my kids or like I didn't even know you this was a thing like your job.

Fernanda: Yeah.

Kathleen: So yeah, I offer that and people can look at my website and sign up for that or go on Instagram, Tik Tok, all the links are there to book the call and I've you know I'm available too for like adults like I know from being a teacher parents need like the later times. So definitely I don't want that to deter people either. And I get it. I get it as you know I just I definitely it sounds cheesy but I do want to help. I genuinely want to help or at least send you in the right direction.

Fernanda: Totally. And I mean and I can tell that from just talking to you and your energy and you're legit. You know what I mean?

Kathleen: I appreciate that. Yes.

Fernanda: When I you know and and I've met other ADHD coaches, not a lot of them. You're maybe you're the fourth ADHD coach that I meet in in since I started like being coming aware that this was a thing like

Kathleen: Yeah.

Fernanda: And every time I talk to somebody who's an ADHD coach, like I can tell like there's a huge need for this. There's a huge need from just knowing from my daughter's experience and other I actually happen to have a lot of friends with ADHD. I think maybe because of the entrepreneurial realm and a lot of later in life women too or people you know a lot of it is like their kids are getting diagnosed and they're like hm maybe I should look into this type of thing and and the stigma is being reduced you know it's not like oh it's only boys or you're just you know busy or you just have anxiety.

Kathleen: Yeah. Or like something I don't appreciate personally and but I'm just learning to live with it is every when somebody says, "Oh, everybody's got ADD." And I'm like, "Nope, I have some of my social media reels. I have one where I'm like I have like breathing fire. I cannot stand that." Or when people try to tell you you don't have it, you just say that.

Fernanda: Bernett, get me started that I'm the same way. I've gotten myself into some social arguments. Not really arguments, but like I have called people out on this before and I'll be like, "Actually, no. Everybody does not have ADD. It's an actual thing that people have." You know what I mean? It's not fake.

Kathleen: Nobody's on the other end. I'm not a huge advocate or like fan of the it's my superpower. It can be debilitating and it can ruin lives if you know it's not taken care of and treated and taken seriously you know.

Fernanda: So true

Kathleen: But true that's why the knowledge and everything that's out there is super important that's why start one of the things like pick up a magazine like you know in the Harris ter like I pay for this one but here like I got this one at the Harris ter like you know when you're checking out in the grocery stores they have I have a time magazine back here pick up a magazine maybe go old school reads, you know, not from an influencer, but like that's kind of that's how for me it started that way, you know, and just being like, okay, how do I present this? Like I like to make people laugh, but I also want to be taken seriously, you know, so how do I get this information out and, you know, get people to understand like it's okay or let's help you so that it gets better.

Fernanda: Yeah. Exactly.

Kathleen: Your kiddos so they don't, you know, wind up years later being like, "Oh man, I wish I would have taken care of this."

Fernanda: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Thank you so much. There's a lot of good resources. We'll definitely put your website and your social media in the show notes so people can find you. And, you know, do people if you're interested, do follow Kath. She's got good content. And she's out there fighting the good fight, you know.

Kathleen: And or tell me what you want me to like look into or find. I'm always looking for feedback, but I feel like, you know,

Fernanda: Yeah. Why not?

Kathleen: No, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, this is this is great. I love what you're doing, too. Like letting people talk about everything and being yourself and love and friends. We'll circle back to that in another episode. The love part.

Fernanda: Yeah. You can come back and talk about your dating life.

Kathleen: Oh boy.

Fernanda: Well, thank you so much for this conversation. I think what stands out to me is most how much of this comes out comes back to connection to other people but also connection with ourselves and how much healthier that becomes once we understand how our brains work instead of blaming ourselves for how they work.

Kathleen: The brain and the heart connected.

Fernanda: The brain and the heart. Yeah. So, if you want to learn more about Kath, feel free to reach out to her directly. You can find her at Coached by Kath and I'll drop her information in the show notes. To everyone listening, if this episode brought something up for you, I hope you'll sit with it a little. Maybe it's time to look at your own story with a little more compassion. Maybe it's time to have a conversation with someone you love about what's really going on underneath the surface. Either way, that's what connectedness is all about. Please like and subscribe and share this with someone you love. And thanks for spending time with me. I'll see you next time.