💬 Dear Men, Here's What Women Are Saying—and How You Can Win in the Dating World

By Fernanda – Filled Cups

💛 A Message from the Heart

Men, I want to begin with this: everything I’m about to share with you comes from a place of genuine care. I am not here to criticize you, shame you, or say that you’re doing everything wrong.

Quite the opposite.

I want to support you. I want you to find a relationship that lights you up—a loving partnership with a good woman who respects you, cherishes you, and walks beside you as your equal. That’s my wish for you, and for her.

I talk to a lot of people who are single and navigating today’s dating landscape—both men and women. Through countless conversations at events, online, and even informally at coffee shops and community gatherings, I’ve begun to notice patterns. Specifically, I’ve been hearing a consistent set of concerns from women—patterns of behavior that make them lose interest or decide not to pursue something further with certain men.

So today, I’m sharing a few of those themes and offering gentle, constructive suggestions. Think of this not as a critique, but as a guide—a supportive map to help you reflect, grow, and find the relationship you deserve.

Let’s do this in the spirit of self-awareness and continuous improvement, not defeatism.

🚫 Learn When to Stop Pursuing

Let’s start with something simple but crucial:

If a woman says no to a date, take it as a no.

Persisting after a rejection doesn’t come across as charming—it often reads as disrespectful and pressuring. It may even feel unsafe to the woman on the receiving end.

One woman told me about a guy who kept texting her even after she declined his invitation twice. Instead of increasing his chances, it guaranteed she would never say yes. Why? Because she started associating him with discomfort and disregard for her boundaries.

But here’s the paradox: if you accept a “no” gracefully, maintain a pleasant and respectful demeanor, and continue being your charming, self-assured self without pressure, sometimes that no can evolve into a future yes.

But if you bulldoze through the boundary? The no becomes permanent.

📚 Recommended reading: “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Dr. Robert Glover – This book talks about boundary setting, self-respect, and understanding male behavior in dating without falling into the trap of people-pleasing or passive aggression.

🛑 Are You Dating Too Soon?

If you’ve just gotten out of a long-term relationship or marriage, please hear this: You don’t need to rush into dating.

I recently spoke to a woman who shared that a man began hitting on her… while literally living out of his van. He had just moved across states after a divorce, didn’t have an apartment yet, and was still processing his split. She was baffled: Shouldn’t he focus on rebuilding his life first?

And she had a point.

This doesn’t mean you can’t talk to people or enjoy connection during your healing period. But if you’re emotionally, financially, or logistically still in transition, press pause on dating. Take that time to care for yourself.

Women are attracted to men who take care of themselves. And men, I know many of you feel the same way. So before you bring someone into your life, make sure you’ve started building one you’re proud of.

🧼 Take Care of Yourself—Physically and Energetically

This one may seem obvious, but it’s worth emphasizing: when you're dating, show up as your best self.

That means:

• Grooming: Showered, clean, trimmed nails, fresh breath.

• Clothing: Well-fitted, clean clothes that show effort and intention.

• Scent: Don’t overdo cologne, but do wear something subtle and fresh.

• Energy: Are you showing up with positive, grounded energy? That matters.

Think of this as marketing—not manipulation. You're not pretending to be someone you’re not. You're simply putting your best foot forward to attract the type of partner you want.

🗣️ Pay Attention to How You Speak

Now, let’s go a little deeper—beyond grooming and into energy and communication.

Women aren’t just listening to what you say. They’re sensing your energy. Your tone, posture, confidence, and the way you carry yourself send a message louder than words.

For example, if you're extremely quiet, mumble, or avoid eye contact, a woman may interpret that as low confidence. Fair or not, many women associate low vocal presence with low self-assurance—and sometimes even with low masculinity. That doesn’t mean you're not confident or masculine, but the signals you're sending may not be aligned with how you want to be perceived.

🛠 What you can do:

• Consider working with a vocal coach to project more confidence.

• Practice posture, eye contact, and presence in social settings.

• Work on speaking clearly and audibly in a conversational tone.

🎧 Resource: The “Art of Charm” podcast offers great tips on vocal presence, body language, and social dynamics for men who want to level up.

🎯 Be Realistic and Self-Aware

This part might feel uncomfortable, but it’s said with love: be realistic about who you can attract.

I don’t love the 1–10 rating system for people—it’s reductive and unfair. But for the sake of example: If you’re an average guy in terms of looks, have a steady but unremarkable job, and haven’t done a lot of self-development, it may not be realistic to expect romantic success with someone who is conventionally a “10”—someone who is stunning, accomplished, fit, and in-demand.

Successful daters are self-aware daters. That doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love—it means you understand the value you bring, and seek partners who are aligned with where you are now, and who appreciate you for who you are.

And here’s the secret: People fall in love with energy, effort, kindness, growth mindset, and emotional intelligence. Those are all things within your control.

🤝 How to Get Out of the Friend Zone (If You’ve Done the Work)

Let’s say you’ve done everything right:

✔ You’re not pushy
✔ You’ve moved on from a past breakup
✔ You’re well-groomed and take care of your health
✔ You’ve worked on posture, smile, and speaking confidently
✔ You have a stable life, a growth mindset, and great social awareness
✔ You’re emotionally generous, curious about others, and a great conversationalist
✔ You’re showing up as a masculine presence—in a healthy, grounded, respectful way
✔ You’re giving back, building community, and improving yourself

If all of this is true—then yes, you will absolutely start attracting quality women. You might even notice women initiating conversations, complimenting you, or asking you out.

Being attractive isn’t about playing games. It’s about being the kind of person someone else would want to build a life with.

🔚 Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This

Men, I believe in you. The modern dating world is messy, confusing, and overwhelming for everyone—yes, even the women you’re interested in.

But the more you do this work—on yourself, for yourself—the more aligned you become with the kind of love that’s healthy, mutual, and life-giving.

Let this be the start of a new chapter. One where you lead with integrity, confidence, and care.

And if you ever need a little help decoding the dating world or understanding how to connect more meaningfully with women, I’m here.

Let’s keep filling our cups—together.

Recommended Resources:

• No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover

• The Art of Charm Podcast

• Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson

• Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller (to understand relationship styles)

• The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida